I'm Sorry I Turned You Into A Girl
by Yojimbra
Summary: Warning: Do not attempt to mess with a seal when you have no idea what the fuck the seal does. Results may include death, famine, apocalypse, gender changing, hyper-attachment, random personality changes, yandere, and tsundere personalities. Fem Sasuke. Crack. The result of staying up till four AM. Now with Bonus Tayuya DLC! Review now to get access to this wonderful cat girl!
1. It's Not Like I Want To be a Girl

That seal looked three kinds of nasty. The first kind was that it was just a fucked up seal, it was kind of just pulsing and stuff with this weird evil chakra stuff, the second was that it was on Sasuke, and that was very much in the realm of no touchy, the final kind of nasty was that the seal came from that snake freak's hickey. All that nasty combined meant that he actually felt bad for Sasuke for once. Seals sucked, he would know, what with there being a seal that kept a giant demon inside of him like he was a giant dog cage.

Shame there wasn't anything he could do about it. It wasn't like there were any seal masters in Konoha, at least none that were super awesome like the Uzumaki were. According to the history book someone had thrown at him, the Uzumaki were just naturally awesome at seals. Like they could just look at it and do seal stuff. If only there was a-

Wait! Wait, wait, wait! He was an idiot! He was an Uzumaki! Right? Well, at least he was told he was an Uzumaki. Which means he should be good at seal stuff. Why didn't he think about this before! Okay, this was easy to test. Any real Uzumaki would be able to do something with a seal. That left two options for fucking around. Experimenting. He meant experimenting. Either his own seal that was all the separated him from being a morsel to a giant tsundere fox.

Or touching Sasuke's nasty.

Both of those sounded like terrible ideas. Just awful and downright horrendous. Like why would he ever do either of those things? He wouldn't. Least not unless he was really bored. Which given how he was on watch he was.

A quick check to make sure that Sakura was knocked the fuck out. Yep, she was white-girl black-out wasted, half sprawled out onto a branch that acted like her pillow. She actually looked cute when she was snoring. Good thing she was asleep though. There was no way that she would be okay with this.

Now to make sure that Sasuke wouldn't wake up.

"Psst, Sasuke." Naruto hissed. No response. That was good. "Sasuke," Still nothing. "Bastard." More nothing. Naruto slapped Sasuke cheek lightly. How much nothing was too much nothing? He slapped Sasuke ten times really fast. Not hard enough to actually hurt, but also not hard enough to wake him up apparently.

Was seal-fucking a consensual act? Well considering how Sasuke got the seal by being seal rapped it should be fine. Besides, it wasn't like anything was going to happen. He'd be staring at the seal and hadn't-oh. Well, that's new. It was like a thread was just floating there waiting to be plucked and unraveled. Why didn't he see that before?

Channeling just a bit of his chakra into his fingertips he did what he always did when he saw a loose thread. Pull until something broke. As he pulled the more and more threads began to appear like, well like a bunch of hair that got stuck to some gum, only really long, and the gum was extra nasty. Like it was purple and pulsating and shit. Just so much ew. That was inside of Sasuke? What kind of a hickey did that snake freak give him? "You better thank me for this later bastard."

With both hands he grabbed at the threads and pulled out the giant chunk of nasty out of - he stopped he heard a noise, not a there's danger noise, well it was dangerous, the same level of dangerous that Haku was when he said that he wasn't a girl. No, this noise came from Sasuke. Who was moaning? The Uchiha's face was red, and he was panting.

Naruto had enjoyed more than enough doujinshi to recognize the kind of face Sasuke was making. At Least the dude didn't have a boner. Or a dick big enough to have a boner. Still, Sasuke moaned like a girl. Not that he knew what a girl moaning sounded like, but it wasn't a dude moan that was for sure.

With one last yank, Naruto pulled out as much of the stuff as he could. The threads snapped like roots being pulled from the ground. Sasuke moaned with each one, growing more intense as he began to writhe on his bedroll. Even once all the strands were gone and Naruto was left holding two handfuls of purple nasty he kept moaning.

This was the most disturbed Naruto had ever been in his life. He needed to get rid of this gunk. Where what should he do with it? Wipe it on Sasuke's shirt? Throw it on Sakura? Just get rid of it? What was the proper way to dispose of seal gunk? Again the answer just kind of magically popped into his brain like a pair of boobs. What? Boobs had a habit of randomly being on his mind. He didn't even need to be thinking about something remotely sexual and then suddenly boobs.

Sakura would look great with boobs. Was there a seal that made boobs grow? Now that was a jutsu! Sasuke moaned and he was brought back to reality where he was holding seal gunk while Sasuke was moaning inches away from him. Wait didn't he have an answer until he got distracted by boobs? That's right! He did!

Make the gunk un-gunk! "Here goes nothing."

He brought the two chunks together kneading it like it was a ball dough from the first time. When he did this with the old man he pretended he was touching boobs or the butt of a cute girl. Wait he should not be thinking about that while messing with Sasuke's nasty purple gunk. Hey, it wasn't purple anymore. It was actually turning pink. Pink was good, it was a pretty color, and one that Sakura liked.

The seal gunk didn't feel quite as nasty anymore as it was turned into this weird pink chakra slime that was kind of warm and nice. Okay, so it wasn't nasty anymore, but what was he supposed to do with it now? Give it to Sakura? She liked pink, but it was still kind of slimy so maybe not. He looked at Sasuke who was still breathing heavily, he hadn't moaned in a while so that was good. And the seal, well the seal looked fuckered. Like it was a pussing open wound that had been taken out of his skin with an ice cream scoop. Except instead of flesh and blood it was more chakra and seal junk. Maybe now it was safe to put back?

"I swear you better not moan when I stick this back inside of you." Naruto groaned shivering at the thought. "I'm going to pretend I didn't just say that."

Thankfully the seal gunk was all too happy to go back into Sasuke, and the bastard didn't moan, instead he kind of just sighed with content, he stopped squirming and relaxed. Well, that was good. Everything worked out for the best maybe. "I still have no idea what I did."

Feeling rather content with himself Naruto resumed his favorite past time. Thinking about boobs, butts, and cute girls.

That train of thought lasted about twelve minutes. Before Sasuke woke up and screamed like a girl. Which caused Sakura to wake up and scream like a girl, which made sense because she actually was a girl. Sasuke had no excuse.

"What the hell happened to me?" Sasuke shouted, his voice shrill and panicked. One hand supporting him while the other patted at his crotch, then his chest. A blush spread from ear to ear. "This is not happening."

"Sasuke?" Sakura asked, "what happened are you okay? Is that seal thing messing with you?"

"Seal?" Sasuke's free hand went to the spot on his neck. "What the hell? No!" Sasuke stood, quickly, running back in forth. "Why would he do this? This just has to be an illusion."

"Oh, that seal thing?" Naruto shrugged, moving over to his bedroll, Sasuke and Sakura were up: their turn on watch. "Yea, you can thank me later, I might have fixed it."

"You!" Sasuke growled his face really red now. Did his hair look longer? And why was he holding his shorts like they were about to fall? "You did this?" He gestured towards his body.

"What?"

"Are you feeling okay Sasuke? Maybe you should rest more?" Sakura tried to intervene. But it was kind of like trying to tell a storm to not rain so much.

"I'm not talking about the seal!" Sasuke growled, he grabbed at the base of his shirt. "I'm talking about this!" He lifted his shirt to reveal a slender waist, wide hips. And boobs. Not fat boobs like Choji had. But girl boobs.

Naruto blinked twice at the sight. This was his first time seeing girl boobies so close. They might be Sasuke's, but they were still girl boobies. So that was worth something. Sakura sat beside him her mouth hung open in shock, looking like she might fall over at any moment. "Those are nice."

Sasuke slammed her shirt down, her face was beyond red now. "Idiot!" She shouted, then mumbled. "It's not something to be happy about."

"So are you a full girl?" Naruto asked, hey, he made a seal that made boobies grow! He was a genius! "Or do you still have a-"

"I don't have a," She swallowed, trying to keep her pants up and look as small as possible. "I don't have a penis if that's what you wanted to know. But why'd you do this!? Turn me back!"

Sakura passed out.

"I don't know how I just kind of messed with the seal that snake freak put on you." Naruto shrugged. "I can mess with it again if you want."

"No!" Sasuke shouted, moving to sit down on her bedroll. "I don't want you messing with me anymore. I'll just deal with this until we get out of this forest. It's not like it changes anything. You're still a loser."

"Really that's the thanks I get for stopping that snake freaks seal? You should be thanking me."

"You turned me into a girl!"

"And he could have been trying to turn you into a snake!"

Sasuke hmph'd, pulling her knees close to her chest like any other girl. "Don't talk to me I'm mad at you." She sniffled. Apparently, Sasuke's tear ducts weren't dried up after all.

"Hey," Naruto scrambled over to her getting right in her face. She turned away from him, scooting along the ground. "Look, I'm sorry I turned you into a girl. But at least you're kind of a pretty one now, and you don't have to worry about that seal anymore. Probably."

She didn't move or even look at him. Instead, what came out was simple. "Idiot."

If he didn't know any better Sasuke almost sounded happy.

 **AN: This is what happens when I stay up until four in the morning watching SGDQ**


	2. It's Not Like I Want To be Happy

The attempt to keep Sasuke's lack of penis and newfound boobs hidden from the world was a short-lived endeavor that was ultimately ended when one of that creeps Kabuto's teammates decided to grope her as part of his attack. Which resulted in a very girly scream from Sasuke, followed by a slap that could be heard around the world that lead to a savage beating that made every male in the room cross their legs.

Actually, save for the girly scream, Sasuke might have gotten off without anybody suspecting anything. But, she kind of started to call her opponent a perverted bastard for touching her there. Oh and Sakura fainted again. Ino too. And now the whole village knew, as well as several outlying settlements.

"So uhh Naruto," Kakashi began. "The fuck did you do?"

This question was asked while Kakashi was desperately trying to restrain Sasuke to look at her seal. The boy now girl had her head forced down into a pillow to stop her from screaming bloody murder at Kakashi while at the same time he had her arm twisted behind her. It was actually almost a little rapey and he did feel bad for Sasuke. But it was the only way for anybody to look at her seal thing.

"I dunno," Naruto shrugged, doing his best to remain seated in the chair that he had been told not to move from. Apparently, Sasuke being turned into a girl was a big deal. Why did Sasuke get all the attention? Whenever he turned into a girl it was all 'Naruto, you're a perverted idiot, please stop being a perverted idiot' He couldn't help it! It's who he was!

Kakashi looked at him, his face was the same 'I'm so done with this' expression that he always wore, only this he probably actually meant it. "What do you mean 'I don't know'?"

"I dunno I dunno."

Kakashi sighed.

"He's an idiot!" Sasuke tore her face from the pillow long enough to shout that before she was muffled once again. Legs and free arm still flailing. Sasuke's violent behavior was easy to understand. The last time someone touched her seal she had a sex change, and someone else could make it much worse for her. Like a third arm. Or giant head sized boobs.

"Clearly," Kakashi agreed, turning his attention back to Sasuke's seal. "I honestly don't know what the hell this even is. It almost looks like you somehow stuck bubble gum inside a seal. But can you please explain what you did before Sasuke turned into a girl."

"I don't know okay? I was thinking about how weird Sasuke's seal was, remembered that Uzumaki's were supposed to be good at seals and remembered that I'm an Uzumaki so I tried to mess with it, and I pulled out this purple gunk. I made it pink and then I put it back and now Sasuke is a girl that blushes when I say she's cute." Like a magic switch, Sasuke stopped thrashing and her ears turned a pretty pink. "Even if she is still a bastard."

The thrashing resumed with renewed vigor and muffled death threats as well. Yep, still a bastard.

"Right," Kakashi groaned. "And I suppose that stopping to think what you were doing might be stupid and have lasting consequences would have been too much to ask for?"

"What's a Consequence?"

Kakashi growled, taking a long deep breath that did nothing to remove the stress in his shoulders. "Yep, I'm done."

And just like that Sasuke was released, and her fury was fast and pillowy and very blushy.

XXXX

"Don't get me wrong," Sasuke said from behind him, her arms were crossed and a vicious scowl was on her face, that she must have learned from Sakura. Wait, no that was just Sasuke's normal resting bitch face kicked to eleven, it was more of a resting 'I'm going to fucking kill you face'. When she caught him looking her face turned red and she turned her head to one side fast enough he wondered if she broke her neck. "It's not like I'm following you, we're just going in the same direction."

"Yea, Sure." That only seemed to make her angrier judging by the way the villagers tended to gasp in horror behind him. It was kind of like he was taking a giant angry dog with a muzzle on it that growled at everything. Except, it was a cute girl that used to be a boy with a massive ego, but that massive ego got replaced by a giant bitch. "Whatever you say bastard."

Something hit him on the back of his head. From the way it hurt it could have been a pebble, from the way it sounded against his head it could have been a coin. People threw money at him now? That was a lot better than anything else. Probably, free ramen coupons would also be pretty high up there. As long as they weren't expired.

Oh, wait, someone threw something at him. "Hey who did that?"

"Wow," Sasuke's feminine voice was probably the most sarcastic thing in existence. Even more so than that time Shikamaru said that he was excited and full of energy, which was said about two minutes before he slept for the rest of class. "Your reactions are so amazing Naruto."

"Not as great as your boobs."

For his efforts Sasuke turned a bright pink, her pale skin amplifying the blush so that she looked like a freshly spanked ass cheek. She actually looked like a cherry tomato. Or like one of those pin-up girls in the magazines he wasn't supposed to look like. Only he'd actually seen Sasuke's boobs. Wait, he'd actually scene boobies, why wasn't he rubbing this in Kiba's face?

"Don't tell anybody about that ever. It's bad enough that the whole town already knows I'm a girl." Instead of screaming like Sakura would have, or yelling like Sasuke would have before his penis vanished, her voice was soft, almost begging, she was pulling her shirt down as though to hide as much of herself as she could. Her other hand did its best to hide her mouth, as her hips wiggled.

Looking at her like that she really was cute, especially with the way her hair fell to frame her face without her headband. The headband now served as a belt, securing her too big shorts to her waist. But at the same time, it was still Sasuke and therefore still a bastard.

Besides this was like payback or something. "Yea, well whose fault is it that the whole village knows."

And there was her angry face. She flipped more than Sakura did when she was talking between the two of them. Girls were weird. Especially the girl version of Sasuke.

"Starting at the top of the list is you for turning me into a girl. Sakura and Ino take second place and that pervert that groped me takes third." She growled, nostril twisting and actually looking frightening for once. "But mostly it's just you! This is all your fault! It's your fault I'm a girl! It's your fault I have these emotions! It's your fault! Yours yours yours yours yours!"

That anger turned into tears really fast. And now he actually felt bad. Crap. He wasn't supposed to make girls cry even if they were bastards. Because then that would make him the bastard. And a Bastard Naruto Uzumaki was not. Probably. He should probably find out what the word actually meant.

"Hey, Sasuke look I'm sorry, I'm not used to treating you like a girl so I say dumb stuff is all." He moved closer to her but she turned sharply, shrinking down into a ball and doing a great job of making a scene. Already he could hear the whispers about the demon brat making a girl cry in the streets.

"You always say dumb stuff though, that's all you do is say dumb stuff! Even when you say something smart you say it in the dumbest way possible because you're just a big stupid jerk face!" She was actually crying, the Sasuke Uchiha who only knew how to scowl and smirk was crying. Had Sasuke not been a cute girl crying he might have considered that an achievement.

"Look I'm sorry," How many times could he say that before it lost all meaning? Hell, he barely meant it. But it'd probably make Sasuke stop crying. "What can I get you to stop crying?"

"Chocolate, I want chocolate, I don't even like chocolate, but I want it. And it'd make me happy." This was the most expressive Sasuke had ever been with her emotions. Compared to his usual stoic self it'd almost be a breath of fresh air.

Chocolate, where could he get chocolate? Why did girls always want chocolate? It wasn't even that great. Unless it was ice cream then it was alright. Wait! Ice Cream! It was summer still so the ice cream shop should be open! And it was close by. And they served him! That was like the trifecta of perfect. "Would Ice cream work? I can buy you a cone."

Technically he could, just meant no ramen for dinner. Sasuke better be grateful.

"But, you're a broke idiot, you never have any money in your wallet and you always try to bum food off of people." She was still crying and blubbering, but at least now she was smiling at him. Apparently insulting him would also put Sasuke in a good mood no matter what gender she was. "But I still want chocolate, so one scoop okay?"

His wallet thanked Sasuke. "Sure, now come on and stop crying okay. You shouldn't eat Ice cream when you're crying right?"

"Stop talking to me like I'm a little kid. I'm a girl, but I'm still older than you, and taller." She wiped her eyes twice, but they still watered when she finally stood, lip still quivering until she bit it.

"Hey! I'm still growing! I'll be taller than you in no time! Believe it!"

He expected a retort, instead, Sasuke just nodded and grabbed his hand. What was she doing and woah? Holding hands with a girl was so weird, even if it was a bastard like Sasuke, her hand was soft and warm and just kept sending sparks of happy up his arm and into his brain like miniature fireworks. "I can't really see cause my eyes are watery, so can you umm, lead me there?"

"Uh, Sure?" She didn't seem that blind, but then again Sasuke had magic eyeballs so who was he to judge. Besides, now he got to hold a girl's hand and see real girl boobies before Kiba! He wasn't sure why that mattered but it did!

By the time they got to the ice cream shop and ordered a single scoop of Chocolate Ice Cream and sat down on the park bench, Sasuke was smiling. She really did have a cute smile. If he was somehow in control of how her body changed then he did a great job on that! But it probably wasn't him.

"There are you happy?" Naruto asked, watching as Sasuke took a small bite of the Ice Cream with a smile. Another spoon sat half buried into the ice cream. Why was there two spoons?

Sasuke nodded taking another painfully small bite of the ice cream. "Yea," She said softly. "Thank you."

"No problem, but uhh why'd you get two spoons?" And why'd she insist that he sit here and watch her eat ice cream? Was this payback? It wasn't even good payback if anything it was just petty.

Sasuke stiffened, her face red again and her smile vanished. He said something stupid again didn't he? Well according to her everything he said was stupid, so probably. She took another bite and looked away from him, holding the ice cream closer to him. "It's not like I want to share with you or anything. But you bought it so I'd feel bad if you didn't get some of it."

"Oh, uhh okay." She kept looking over at him from the corner of her eye before looking away. When he finally took a bite of ice cream she relaxed, smiling again.

Girls were weird.

 **AN: I have a few questions. Why did I write this? Why did I continue writing it? Why do you like it? So many Whys. Anyways. Here's this. I have no idea what I'm doing with it but its fun.**


	3. It's Not Like I Want To Be an Arson

It was all gone.

Everything he ever owned was turning to ashes right before his eyes. His bed, the ramen coupons he had been saving for over a year, his clothes, his ninja gear. Naruto fell to his knees mouth falling open as he watched the flickering flames dance up into the night sky. His dirty magazines! Those things were almost impossible for a twelve-year-old to obtain!

And now it was all burning to a crisp, his entire life was just gone. Even as the Fire Brigade showed up to try and quell the flames.

"Naruto," His entire body twitched at the soft apologetic tone of her voice. She touched his bare shoulder with two shaking fingers. Why was she shaking? She wasn't the one who was watching their house burn down. But she was the one that caused this. It was her fault. "I'm so sorry Naruto. I didn't mean to. Please," She hiccuped. "Please don't hate me."

Naruto looked back to Sasuke, somehow looking like she belonged there with the firelight dancing against her cuteness. The fact that he was naked save for a towel wrapped around his waist - it wasn't even his good towel that he took the Hot Springs when they had cheap days - that was his only belonging that wasn't currently on fire. "I don't hate you Sasuke."

He really wasn't sure if he meant those words, a smile just wouldn't appear on his face no matter how hard he tried. He didn't have a lot. But it was his. And now he didn't even have that. It was gone, all gone. The Fire Brigade was focusing more on saving the building below his apartment than his home.

"I'm just, you know, a little sad that I'm homeless." And clothesless, and pornless, and ninja toolless, actually pretty much-less. No doubt the owner of the building would blame this on him, which meant he was going to be even more broke.

"Umm," Sasuke twitched, her hand retreating to her mouth to cover it like she was some blushing schoolgirl. "You umm, could live with me if that's okay. I have an extra bed you can use. The shower always has hot water. And I have clothes you can wear."

"Are you sure about that Sasuke?" Naruto stood to look Sasuke in the eyes that held the reflection of the fire in them. She gave a small nod, and Naruto finally found a bit of his happiness again. He wasn't homeless! He was still Pornless but he could get new magazines! "That'd be great!"

"Don't get the wrong idea Idiot," She hissed taking a step back face still red and partially hidden by her hand. "It's not like I want to live with you or anything, I just feel bad for setting your house on fire." With her free hand, she reached out and grabbed his, "Now come on I think we're in the way."

XXXX

Three hours ago.

"So, why are you dragging me through the shopping district?"

Sasuke didn't break her stride, pressing forward with the same frenzied look in her eyes Sakura got when she was shopping. It was more than a little terrifying. "Because you're a broke dumbass that spent their food money on Ice Cream and I'm the emotional wreck that let you. And now I feel bad that you're not going to be able to eat, so now we're going to go to the store, I'm going to buy groceries." More groceries? She already had a bag that was filled with more vegetables than he'd probably ever eaten hanging off her arm. "Then we're going to cook a meal at your place."

"You can cook?"

"I'm more surprised that you can't."

"Hey, I can cook!"

"Instant ramen isn't cooking!"

Oh sure! Instant ramen didn't count of course it didn't count! Why would it count? It's not like he had to perfectly time when to pour the water in and then wait three minutes to get the perfect texture for his noodles, finally he had to add the right amount of seasoning - Salt - to make the noodles taste great without overpowering the taste! Instant ramen was an art. And clearly, it was outside of Sasuke's ability to understand.

Shopping with Sasuke was a lot different than shopping with himself. Except it was still exactly the same. Sure while he would go look for the cheapest possible ramen, Sasuke went right for the foodstuff that wasn't actually food but needed to be cooked. Like Rice. And noodles. And other weird stuff that he didn't know what to even do with! And all of it was super discounted, half off if not more. By the end of it, Sasuke spent less than he would have on two bowels at Ichiraku.

It was actually impressive, Especially with how no one seemed to give a fuck that Sasuke was a girl and that she was dragging him around. But between the bits of impressiveness-ness Naruto was bored out of his mind. Which meant it was time to do what any teenage boy would do, think about the three "Bs", Booms, Boobs, and Butts.

Oh and food. All this watching Sasuke shop was actually making him really hungry. Hopefully, Sasuke actually could cook and wasn't just going to burn whatever she was buying. He'd still eat it. Probably. Free food was the best food.

"You live in this?" Sasuke groaned the moment she looked inside his apartment. "I don't feel welcomed here."

"What? It's not that bad!"

"I think the mold is growling at me."

"No that's just the floorboard."

"Just one?"

"You're the one that insisted on coming here!" Naruto growled stomping his way further inside. Now that she pointed it out the floorboards did creak a lot. It was just his security system, yea that was it. Only a true ninja could walk through his home without - he stepped at the threshold of the kitchen and all thought was interrupted by a sound that could be heard all the way, well all the way somewhere really far away.

Sasuke laughed, it wasn't that snide chuckle she used to give as a boy this was something else. Something very different. It was almost like a giggle? Sasuke was giggling. Giggling! The Sasuke Uchiha was giggling! That might have been one of the cutest and most terrifying things that he had ever witnessed in his fairly short life.

She caught him staring and stood straight, face red her hand finding its way in front of her mouth again. What the hell was that even supposed to be? And why was it so cute? "Don't stare at me like that you idiot."

"Ohh! Right!" Staring was rude! Besides, it was just Sasuke. Why would he stare at Sasuke? Even if the bastard was a girl now that didn't mean that it was okay to stare at her like it was to stare at someone pretty. Not that she wasn't pretty. "Bastard!"

Sasuke grunted hand down at her side and her lips were pouting. "You jerk, just shut up and show me where your stove is so I can get started. It's already getting dark out."

His stove was underused save for an extra shelf where he kept the various bills he got in the mail. Many of which had big red urgent signs stamped on them. If he had known he was going to have a guest over then he would have cleaned up. That was a lie. With the stove clear and his meager assortment of pots and pans on full display - They were technically clear to thanks to that last storm - ready and waiting for Sasuke to do cooking magic.

"So, uhh do you need help or anything?" Naruto took a step back allowing Sasuke to have full command of the kitchen. It felt weird having someone over at his house to cook from him. Really really weird. Almost as weird as Sasuke being a girl. Why weren't they freaking out about that again? Err Still? Or was this freaking out? Seals were weird. But they weren't bad, they did make Sasuke into a cute girl. Maybe that was why they weren't freaking out? He'd be freaking out if Sasuke was ugly.

Oh, wait, Sakura was in the hospital because she was freaking out. Maybe they should go get see her later? Or would that make things worse?

"You'd probably just get in the way. If you want to help, go take a shower and put some clean clothes on," Sasuke didn't even bat an eye, her face already buried into his stove, there was a click and the dull roar of fire sounding out from it. "Cooking normally calms me down, but I don't want to get overly emotional because you mess something up."

"Hey! I can cook! What makes you think I'm going to-"

His protest died when Sasuke emerged from his stove holding a very long and very sharp knife he didn't remember owning or her carrying. She held it an inch away from her face, her pointer finger along the flat part like it was an extension of herself, the edge was pointed towards him. She tilted her head and smiled in that way he had seen Sakura do several times when she was trying to be cute.

It was terrifying.

"You stink, go take a shower please."

"Okay." He had turned Sasuke into a girl and had lost control of his life. That was so not a fair trade. At least he got free food out it, well food for the cost of Ice Cream. He couldn't wait to have her out of his house and- Wait! He had a girl in his house! Alone! Before Kiba! He was going to rub that mutts face in it so much!

Once inside his bathroom, Naruto sighed, since when did he take orders from Sasuke? She was acting like she was the team leader or something. Well, whatever. The knob creaked when he turned it followed by the groaning of the pipes and finally the cold water sputtered outward. It didn't matter how much he turned the knob it'd always come out randomly, switching between little more than a few drops to what might as well be an aggressive water jutsu.

And Naturally, the first thing that his shower did when he stepped under it turned into a torrent of ice cold water that made him scream like a little girl.

"Naruto?" Sasuke's voice came from the other side of the door followed by a knock. "Are you okay?" She kept knocking. And even began to open the door. He didn't have a shower curtain! Or a lock! She was going to see everything! And there was cold water! He had no idea why but apparently that made things worse!

"I'm fine! Just forgot how cold the water gets!" Seriously wasn't it like summer? Why did it feel like he was getting pelted by Ice?

"Oh," she sounded disappointed. "I see, well Uhh try to stick it out. That sounded wrong."

Naruto let his shoulders drop and tried to relax under the fridge water that was pouring down onto him. The longer he stood there the more he got used to it. Eventually, the coldness began to feel really nice. Almost like everything else was just really hot and this was his only solace of cool in the whole wide world.

Wait. Wasn't it a little too hot? And what was that smell? It was almost like burning? Was Sasuke burning their food? No that didn't seem right. Sasuke was competent. Probably.

"Naruto!" Sasuke's shrill voice came from outside the door before it was kicked open and he was greeted by an inferno. What the hell? He'd only been in here for like five minutes! She didn't bother blushing when she pulled him from the shower and forced a towel into his hands. "I'm so sorry! This is all my fault! We need to go!"

"What?" He didn't have time to ask much more than that as the flames were already consuming everything. His bedroom was nothing more than an inferno, his living room was getting there and the kitchen had a new window in that the wall had already fallen out.

Sasuke pulled him out of the house just as a massive burst of flames chased them out. By the time they stood on the streets, Naruto was at a loss for words. His home. It was gone.

It was all gone.

 **AN: Another Question! Gaara has a seal. Do... Do I turn Gaara into a girl?**


	4. It's Not Like I Want To Sleep With You

This wasn't his bed. It was far too large, far too comfortable, and it smelled way to clean.

It wasn't his house either, it wasn't cold with a draft, and the pipes weren't shaking the paint off the wall.

He also wasn't alone. Something was wrapped tightly around his arm, holding it tightly against something soft. Something really soft and warm. Still, he was really comfortable. This bed was awesome.

Naruto opened his eyes and was reminded that everything he ever owned was now destroyed and that he was now living at Sasuke's house. Fortunately, Sasuke had a big house and had more than enough room for him and all of his nothing. Well, he had a towel and his ninja headband. Which left him pretty much reliant on Sasuke for basically everything.

Not that he felt bad about it. It was her fault, to begin with! How did she even burn his house down just by trying to cook? Maybe he should see if the Old Man will have his apartment rebuilt for him? And make Sasuke pay for it. But probably not, the Old Man was cheap and probably just say to keep living with Sasuke. Something about responsibility.

He sighed and tried to roll over but whatever had a grip on his arm stopped him, pressing his arm further into the softness. Over the cover and saw Sasuke hugging his arm sleeping peacefully in a large yellow shirt with her slender legs exposed and her breasts were trying to eat his arm like a sandwich.

Naruto did the only thing he could think of which was to scream and flail his arms until he fell out of the bed. "What the hell bastard? Why are you sleeping in my bed?"

She groaned sitting up to glare at him while rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She looked so cute it was almost unfair. And crap! He totally could have grabbed her boob when she was asleep! Dammit! Why didn't he think of that sooner? She gave a cat-like yawn, sitting on the bed with her hands between her legs. He should have given her cat ears. Was there a seal for that?

"Idiot," she growled trying to work the sleep from her face. "It's too early for you to be this loud."

"Why were you sleeping in my bed?" He pointed a finger at her, trying his best to get back on his feet by using the wall. He was dressed in one of Sasuke's old shirts, the ones that didn't fit her anymore, and a pair of boxers. It sucked that Sasuke didn't have anything even remotely orange. But free stuff was still the best stuff.

Sasuke looked around the room looking ready to fall back asleep if a spare sheep were to cross her field of vision. Then her eyes went wide and her cheeks began to turn pink. With a noise that sounded like someone stepped on a cat, she flopped back down into the bed and wrapped the blanket around herself. "It's not like I wanted to sleep with you, Idiot!" Her muffled cries echoed from the very bed itself. Followed by a bunch of mumbles that he couldn't understand.

"What? Sasuke quit acting like a girl."

The bed exploded open and Sasuke glared at him, her face was red with anger now. He should not have said that. He really shouldn't have said that.

"I am a girl you asshole!" She tossed a pillow at him hard enough to knock him back on his ass. "And it's all your fault! The reason why I was in your bed was that I forgot okay!" She closed her mouth, the anger fading and she looked timid, though her blush and glare were still going strong. If anything she looked like an angry kitten that was upset it wasn't being petted. "Sometimes when I go to the bathroom I'm too lazy to go to my bedroom and I end up sleeping in this room."

Sheesh, his home was burned down and now he was the bad guy. This didn't make any sense! How did his life turn into one of those crappy harem anime? What next? Sakura moving in to make sure that they don't do anything? Not that he would, or that Sasuke would ever let him. She was still Sasuke, and he had a strict no dating bastards policy.

Probably, he still hadn't found out what exactly a bastard was, it was a bad word that Iruka got mad at him for saying so that's what he called Sasuke. Besides, it was fun to call her a bastard.

"I guess that's fine, you didn't really wake me up. But uhh, please don't do it again."

She pouted, crossing her arms with a huff. "Whatever it's my home so I can sleep in whatever bed I want. It's not like it had anything to do with you being in it!"

"I'm sorry for sleeping in your bed after you burned my house down."

"I said it was an accident." she wrapped herself up in the blanket again, so that only her dark eyes and hair were sticking out to glare at him. "And that I was sorry."

"Well, can you get out so I can get changed? Thanks for the clothes by the way." Even if they were a little big and not orange, they were still better than the nothing he currently owned.

"Yea well, I can't really wear them anymore." Sasuke stood pulling the blanket up with her. She turned and headed towards the door, the blanket trailed in her wake like a wedding dress. "I'm making eggs, you'll eat those right?"

"You're not going to burn the house down again are you?" This was an example of his mouth moving before his brain could quite register what he was saying. It was still preoccupied with boobs, not having a home, and the combination of those two things in that he no longer has a stash. And it's not like he'd be able to start a new collection here in Sasuke's home. Even if the image of Sasuke's breasts were more or less burned into his eyelids at this point.

Thankfully, wait what was he thinking about again? Well for some reason Sasuke smiled and flipped him off. "Like I'm going to burn my own house down."

He hoped not, it would suck being homeless again. Not that this was a home. Still, the bed was comfy.

XXXX

A week had gone by in the blink of an eye.

Mostly because of training stuff, but because living with Sasuke was actually fairly routine. She would cook for him, demand he does some chores, they would eat together, then they'd go to bed and in separate beds. And then he'd wake up to Sasuke smothering his arm with her breasts.

Or in today's case. Her pressing her butt up against him while she had somehow snuggled her way into his arms. "Sasuke?"

If she heard him she didn't so much as respond. For once his mind, more specifically his teenage hormones, was more or less clear, which meant that he didn't freak out about Sasuke being right next to him in bed. Sure, he was probably being a bit of a creep, but that was super easy to blame on terrible role models like the closet pervert and the Pervy-Sage.

Besides, it was Sasuke's own fault for crawling in bed with a known pervert like him. With a grin that would do his new teacher proud Naruto wiggled his fingers upward slowly moving towards his first real experience with touching real girl boob. It didn't even matter if Kiba said that stuff didn't count because Sasuke used to be a guy. Boob was boob! And it was more than Kiba got.

Again, he had no idea why it mattered. But it did.

Just as he was about to grab a handful of Sasuke's mounds she spun in the bed and he found himself staring at her razor-sharp glare and that kitchen knife she had threatened him with at his kitchen. "If you try to touch my breasts I will make you a girl too. The sharp and painful way."

"Do you sleep with that knife?" Seriously where did it come from? "And why are you in my bed again? We even switched rooms so this wouldn't happen!" Not that it really mattered, all the beds were super comfy and super big.

Sasuke blushed, "It's not like I want to cuddle with you or anything! This never used to happen! I blame whatever you did to me including making me into a girl!"

"I said I was sorry!"

She sighed and sat up in the bed scratching at the back of her head. Her hair had gotten longer, giving her an adorable case of bedhead. It was almost long enough for her to have it in a ponytail, which was enough to put a smile on his face. "I know you were trying to help and stuff. But, I mean, you know. Stuff."

"Should we ask Sakura tips about being a girl?"

Sasuke gave him a look so dry that it could turn the ocean into a desert.

"Right, she's still in a coma." Naruto sighed, they really should go visit her but that might make things worse. Besides, the author doesn't want a giant cast of characters like what happened with that story where his mother was sealed inside of Orochimaru. Or something. Wait, what?

Shaking his head free of the thoughts of a parallel universe Naruto sat up next to Sasuke. Giving her a giant smile. "Well, since you keep ending up in my bed we might as well just start sharing a bed."

Sasuke turned red. Not just any kind of red. But the same kind of red that her eyes were when she was doing her magic eyeball stuff. Once again she did that thing where she hid her mouth behind her hands, but he could see the smallest of smiles working its way onto her face. Her eyes were unfocused staring off into the distance. It was the smallest movement, a small nod. "Okay."

"What? Really? I was kind of joking." Even if it was kind of nice to wake up to someone cuddling him in the morning it was still just a big step forward! A step forward for what? He had no idea!

"You jerk," Sasuke mumbled bringing her knees in close so that she could bury her head in them. "Big fat stupid meany head! Giant stupid jerk face jerk monster!" Her volume kept rising and falling at random with each word becoming less and less coherent.

"Ahh, Sasuke! I'm sorry! I said something stupid again, but what's wrong? Did you actually want to share a bed with me?" Sure, Sasuke had always been emo, but that didn't mean he had to be so emotional! Especially as a girl!

"It's not like I want to sleep with you idiot!" She screamed that last part with as much ferocity as Sakura ever could. She was crying now. Was he supposed to touch her? Hug her? Girls were complicated. And girls that used to be boys were even more complicated. "I'm just tired of being alone in here." He barely heard her mumble that. "And it was kind of nice waking up to the reminder that I'm not, even if it is with an idiot like you, maybe that's why I kept coming in here to sleep? I don't know."

Great, he was the jerk again. "It's not like I don't like it, I mean who wouldn't like waking up next to a beautiful girl like you?" She squeaked and peeked an eye out from her cover. "But I mean, I kind of like living with you and didn't want to mess that up. So I mean ya'know, if you want to share a bed, I'd kind of like that too."

She turned her head towards him fully, her large black eyes gave him a look that he'd never forget, with tears welling in the corners. Her flushed cheeks only emphasized the small smile she had on her face. Her voice was like the first sunny day after a storm. "Idiot."

 **AN: I wonder how many reivews I'll get without asking some question?**

 **Anyways! Here we see me returning to my fluffy roots. Writing characters in the same bed doing nothing but cuddling! Good times! Also thank you for enabling my craziness when it comes to ideas. I hope you will enjoy what's to come. What that is exactly I have no idea!**


	5. It's Not Like I wanted To be In a Harem!

Looking at Gaara was like having to sneeze but being unable to. But with his eyes. It was like Sasuke's seal, but different. It was like someone made a seal out of a wool sweater and then tried to hold water into it. It was almost enough to make Naruto not be scared senseless at the fact that Chucky's older brother was his opponent. Never thought he'd be intimidated by someone attempting to murder him with a litter box.

He'd hate to see what the boy could do with something actually dangerous, like a cat or something.

As to why he was fighting Gaara as opposed to Sasuke, well the answer to that question was one that he was still trying to find out. He really should have paid attention when they were doing the whole draw number for an opponent thing. But at the same time, he was rather distracted by Sasuke's missing penis. Which mostly everybody else was as well.

"Mother wants you dead." Gaara droned on, he was such a mama's boy. It was really annoying. And it made dodging the sand that much harder. Which was about all he could do at the moment. That and scream like a little girl. Which he was totally not doing at all.

"Quit screaming like a little girl Naruto and kick his ass!" Ignore the girl that used to be a boy that was now cheering for him like she was the fangirl. Still, it felt kind of nice having someone cheer for him. Shame Sakura was still in a coma. Well, that was wrong, she wasn't still in a coma, she woke up, saw that Sasuke was still a girl and then passed out again.

Apparently, minds are more fragile than he would have thought.

The seal, or what he guessed was a seal, on Gaara was starting to get annoying, the threads that wound it were beginning to unravel like thousands of bees grabbing at each one, swirling around Gaara in a mad frenzy that actually made it hard to see. Well, he could see just fine, it just kind of hurt to look at. Not as much as dying would hurt but still not a fun feeling.

Basically, Gaara was cheating and he had no idea what to do. Maybe he should try to summon a giant frog to crush him? Or maybe summon a bit of the Tsundere Fox's chakra. Or he could just leave and go get some ramen. Being a chunin wasn't quite worth dying over. Who the hell lets thirteen-year-olds murder the shit out of each other for entertainment? And why the hell wouldn't these seal strings leave him alone!

He stopped and tried to swat one away, but it got stuck on his hand like magic chakra bubble gum. At least it wasn't in the mouth. No matter how hard he tried the seal goo just wouldn't get off of his hand. If anything it was making things worse, as somehow it was now stuck onto his leg, foot, another hand, most of his fingers, and his eyelid. Hey, it's not easy trying to get gum off while dodging sand.

"Quit being useless Naruto! It's not like I want you to win or anything!" Sasuke's cheer was as motivational as always. Honestly, it was better when she just called him an idiot. "Idiot!"

She was so not helping.

With his arms now looking like a beehive of nasty chakra shit Naruto resigned himself to doing the only thing he could think of. It will probably get him in trouble with just about everybody but hey! It beat death! He pulled on the string. And felt a snap.

That probably wasn't good. Sasuke's didn't snap.

"Oh no!" He heard a girl scream from the crowd. He looked up to see Gaara's sister and brother losing their fucking shit. "You idiot! Why'd you put him to sleep?"

Sleep? Naruto blinked and looked at Gaara, well as best as he could consider how the seal was still looking like a plugged up shower drain that was used exclusively by women with long hair. And yet under all that mass was Gaara standing there with his mouth open eye closed sleeping peacefully as could be. Even the sand stopped. Well, it stopped chasing after him. Now it appeared to be chasing itself in an endless circle away from them. Well, that was neat.

Still what the hell was he going to do with all this seal gunk on his hands? "Oh well. For the record, I'm sorry if I turn you into a girl!"

"Naruto!" Sasuke growled, leaning over the railing to shake her fist at him. "If you turn him into a girl, I'll turn you into a girl! You got that you stupid little pervert!"

That threat was easy to ignore. Mostly because he's been a girl before. Hell, he'd spent a whole day as a girl before, it wasn't that bad. Girls had boobs and boobs were great! Wait. He probably shouldn't be thinking about how awesome boobs were while fucking with a seal again. Even if they were great, so were hips and butts and goddammit why couldn't he stop thinking about these things?

Biting his tongue to try and focus on trying to un-gunk Gaara's seal Naruto began to gather up as much of the sticky hair-like substance as he could, it was like that time he spilt the Hokage's inkwell. Only extra sticky. What was he even doing with the seal anyway? Well, whatever it was fucked up already.

He began to flail his arms gathering as much of the string as he could until he had clouds of the stuff on his arms.

"What the hell is that kid doing?"

"Why isn't he dead yet?"

"Is the ginger asleep?"

Why the hell was everybody talking so loud? He was trying to focus on not turning Gaara into a girl! With a breath and almost all of the strings gathered around him, Naruto began to slam the masses into each other. It was a lot like the old man making fresh noodles, but with an inky black stuff instead of delicious noodles. Crap, what if he turned Gaara into ramen? Would that be murder? He didn't want to be a murderer!

The black began to turn into a red, like a glowing ember in the middle of ashes. With each motion, he breathed new life into it as it grew stronger and stronger. This was easy. All he had to do as focus on Gaara, and not think about girls, or how a catgirl would be super cute. Especially if they had red hair like Gaara. No bad thoughts. Bad bad bad thoughts.

The seal gunk was glowing now, bathing him in neon red light. Did no one else see this? It was like he was holding a rave in his hand where everybody brought the same color. It was so much red. Kind of like blood only redder. It was the reddest thing to ever red.

"Mother," Gaara mumbled in his sleep. Or whatever the current state of standing knocked the fuck out he was in. "Mother, no. Mother."

A mom huh. Gaara was an orphan like him, he knew what it was like to wish that his mom was alive. Hell, he wished he knew her. She was probably awesome, super pretty, and nice, and she'd make the best ramen in the world.

Oh, the seal gunk was done doing whatever the hell it was doing. Honestly, he had no idea, when he asked to learn about it Kakashi laughed and said no. Basically he was running off of pure Uzumaki Instinct. It was too bright, and he could look at Gaara, but he pushed all the gunk back towards him.

It stuck like glue, slowly enveloping Gaara like the dough around a meat bun. Hopefully he didn't accidentally make Gaara into some kind of super powerful fighter now. Oh well, at least the sand wasn't trying to kill him anymore, wait where was the sand? Oh, it was going into the red that wasn't good. Maybe he should just surrender?

"Naruto you perv!" Sasuke shouted from the stands. Well, that wasn't good.

A moan came from Gaara's red cocoon, it was soft and definitely not the kind of noise a boy would make. The red began to change shape, the brightness fading as it turned taller, more womanly with a wide set of hips and boobs.

Yep, he fucked up. Naruto bowed at the waist. "I'm sorry I turned you into a girl."

The light vanished, and instead of a psychotic ginger, twelve-year-old that still held a grudge over his sand castle getting knocked over was a woman, with long red hair that flowed behind her like a river of blood. Her face was soft and elegant with a smile that just seemed to belong there. She was taller than Gaara had been, now standing a head taller than Naruto. She was a beauty by anybody's standards. Wait, where were her ears?

She gave a squeak like someone stepped on a rat, and two round red ears popped out from her hair twitching in the wind. Another squeak and a ringed tail burst out from behind her, it was long and fluffy, nearly touching the floor. Huh, thought he asked for a… well at least not a raccoon girl.

Gaara placed a hand on her head, her clothes way to tight for her size, all of her sizes. Her voice was like a warm spring breeze. "Oh, dear me. I'm sorry Naruto I didn't mean to hurt you, are you okay? Do you need me to treat your injuries?"

"What?"

"Oh dear, and look how thin you are, I know just how to fix that! Let's go get some ramen after you become a chunin to celebrate!" She walked up close, concern and worry etched on to her face, only to be replaced by the kindest smile he'd ever seen.

"Wait! You're not mad I turned you into a girl?" Woman technically. But same thing. "And if you want me to become a chunin then I have to beat you."

She gasped smiling. "Oh silly me, of course! Proctor I wish to give up! And why would I be mad at you? I feel wonderful, there's nothing whispering at me anymore and I just feel so happy just to be near you, proud too!"

"You pervert!" Sasuke shrieked, and something told him to duck. Which he did, but he ducked right into Sasuke's foot. She kicked him into the ground, her face red. "I told you not to turn her into a girl! But you also had to make her hot too? What the hell you stupid perverted bastard!"

"I'm sorry!" Is what he wanted to say, but it was hard to talk while eating boot.

""Oh! Well hello again Sasuke," Gaara bowed slightly, hands folded in front of her. "You wouldn't happen to be his girlfriend, would you? If so, please take good care of my son."

"Son?"

"Son!"

"Son!"

"What's the legal drinking age in Konoha?"

"You think she's single?"

 **AN: I turned Gaara into a Tanuki Milf.**

 ***Takes Hit from bong while snorting crack and drinking beer***

 **Pairing stays the same, I just wanted to turn Gaara into a girl. Don't judge me, you're the ones enabling this.**


	6. Oh my! I just want to love you

"No,"

"Oh don't be silly, I just want to adopt my son."

"You're not his mother, you're a poor boy that has been twisted into a hyper-sexualized monstrosity by a perverted teenager that has been nothing more than a headache for the past few months."

"Oh my, well that's certainly rude, you shouldn't be so harsh to a foreign leader you know."

Hiruzen sighed, He really should just let her have him and be done with that. But no, that would be morally wrong, not to mention he'd have to deal with Danzo glaring at him with that disapproving glower. He supposed it was his fault, he really should have stopped the boy from fiddling with seals the moment he turned Sasuke into a girl. He blamed Minato. Mostly for being dead, and partly for siring this headache.

Fortunately, this most recent scandal came didn't escalate to anything as the offended party was rather happy with the whole ordeal but also had taken the title of Kazekage for herself once Orochimaru revealed himself and her father's corpse was found in a ditch. "My apologies, but I can't allow a foreign dignitary to adopt Naruto, he is one of our most - troublesome - promising ninja. Besides, don't you have to return to your own village and make your intent known?"

"Oh, I suppose." Gaara sighed, placing a hand on her face, one arm was locked under her large chest that easily rivaled that of his students. And were much perkier. Naruto had good taste, aside from the ears and tails. "But he's still my baby boy, I'd hate to leave him again."

The worst part was that according to Inoichi, she was perfectly sane, all of her memories were still there, and the feeling of insanity that used to follow the poor boy around. But then Naruto came in and cleaned everything up, rearranging the bits and making the whole system run cleaner. So when Gaara said that she was happy with everything she actually was genuinely happy, not some fabricated happiness that Naruto had managed to install.

The weirdest part of it though. Well, perhaps not the weirdest, but most concerning part was that Gaara had been the host of the One-Tailed Beast. But this was no longer the case. The beast was simply gone. Like it had never been there, to begin with. The twitching of Gaara's tail caught his eye as it swayed from side to side, kicking up far more wind than it should have like it was a miniature tornado of fur. Perhaps gone wasn't the best term.

"I wish I could understand how you're feeling, but that'd be a lie, however, if you would like once you formally become the Kazekage we can begin discussing a treaty that will allow visitation? And hopefully, lead to an alliance between our villages." Was it bad to take advantage of her like this? Probably. But all he was doing was reaping what one of his ninja sewed.

"Oh, very well," she stood dusting off the dress she had been given, it was red and simple but still hugged her curves. "It appears as though my son is in capable hands with Sasuke around anyhow. Shame, if she wasn't around I'd propose a marriage between my son and my sister." She blinked, a moment of shock running across her face. "That is probably one of the strangest things I've ever said, you'll have to forgive me Hiruzen, I'm still getting used to the changes."

Dear lord, she had a beautiful smile. "We all are my dear, we all are, now please send in Naruto, I wish to talk to him. Alone."

"Oh my," she gasped, smiling into her hand like a giggling woman at the market. "My dear lord Hokage, what are you planning for my son."

"I just want him to promise that he won't mess with any more seals, two was more than enough." What would happen if the boy got bored? Again.

"Oh certainly, very well, I'll send him right in." She bowed at the waist, the modest dress turning immodest for a moment as her breasts pulled at the fabric revealing a deep canyon of pale flesh that made him feel like he was a boy in his youth once more. He had to remind himself that no matter how this girl looked, acted, sounded, and what she thought she was, she was technically a twelve year old. She spun swaying her hips from side to side, her fluffy tail breaking her long red hair like a rock jutting out from a waterfall. "I look forward to our next meeting, Hiruzen."

Was she flirting with him? Plenty of little girls had tried to flirt with him in his time, less so now that he was basically the village grandpa, but there was still the oddball flirt. This was the first time in a long time he regretted his age. And didn't have knowledge of how she came to be. "I look forward to it, Lord Kazekage."

A minute later, Naruto was sitting in the chair in front of his desk kicking his legs because he was short enough that his feet didn't quite touch the floor.

"So Naruto," He began laughing to himself. This really wasn't a conversation he was prepared for. It wasn't even that bad, it was just Naruto that made things complicated. Really, messing with seals you don't understand was just good survival instincts, like not eating food off the ground, or don't stick your dick in crazy, the basics really.

"The fuck dude?"

The Blond just shrugged.

XXXX

"Remember to take lots of baths, and wash behind your ears, also remember that the trash goes out on Tuesday, and listen to Sasuke, she's in charge." Gaara, messed with his hair, trying to keep it to stay down. It didn't work. Gaara had more or less been his mother for the past four days. And while it was kind of weird it was also nice. Even if Sasuke didn't like her. Not that she had much to say in the matter anyway. "Wait, did you brush your teeth today? I know you're healthy, but you really do need to brush them more."

"Gaara," he whined as she continued to fuss over him. "Stop."

She just smiled at him. "And Sasuke, make sure he takes care of himself, and that he doesn't just eat ramen, lots of vegetables and other good stuff okay?"

"I'm a better cook than you are," Sasuke growled, swatting Gaara's hand away. "And you're not my mom or his mom."

Gaara just kept smiling. "Maybe not, but I'd like to be, that goes for both of you, especially since you're going to be my daughter in law one day."

Sasuke was holding that knife again, but Gaara's hair was already wrapped around her wrist. Apparently, Gaara's hair had the abilities that her sand had in that it was basically like an extension of her body and was actually really really durable. Even Sasuke had trouble keeping up with it.

"If you need me, just send a courier. It's a week journey, but I might be able to make it in five and a half if I don't sleep, I'm used to all-nighters so I'd be fine." She kissed him on his forehead. Which made Sasuke growl like a feral cat trying to stab at Gaara with the knife. Where did she even keep that thing?

"Uhh, sure, I can do that." Naruto laughed, turning Gaara into his mom was pretty much worth the verbal ass kicking the Hokage had given him. Still sucked that he wasn't going to be made a chunin because of it, a fact that the readers of this story are probably going to be really upset about despite the fact that this isn't the kind of story where that matters. Instead, he had been given the rank of "Super Amazing Seal Master Genin, No Really This is a Real Title Don't Let him Within Ten Feet of a Seal You Fucking Idiots" or "SASMGNRTIRDLHWTFSYFI" Or as Sasuke put it "Ass Master" it was a good title.

"Gaara," Temari groaned from outside. "We need to get going!"

"Oh, right!" Gaara kissed him on the head again. "One more thing before I go, can you call me mom? Just once?"

Naruto bit his lip, he hadn't really called her that because it was still kind of weird. But she did act like a mom, kind of. And this was his fault. "Sure, I'll see you later, Mom."

"Ahh," She sighed causing her giant boobs to bounce. "With that, I'll be able to lead my village with great bravado, see you soon sweety!"

Yep. He was a monster.

XXXX

OMAKA ~ Sasuke Vision ~ OMAKA

What the hell was that stupid idiotic idiot doing?

Her nose twitched, as she glared at the glowing red mass that was Naruto's foe, her Sharingan was fully activated and she saw all the changes that were happening. Naruto was turning her into a girl. A girl that had bigger boobs than she did! That traitorous little bastard! Why the hell was he making a girl prettier than she was? Gaara was going to take him away from her!

She wanted to go down there and slap him, but that would probably disqualify him. Still, she didn't burn down his apartment to let some nappy-headed hoe come in and steal him. He was hers and she was going to make sure of that.

The light vanished and Gaara stood looking like a blow-up sex doll with giant tits and hips. That pervert? Was that what he liked? Why didn't he do that to her? Worse was that she was probably prettier than she was! What with those green eyes and long red hair and that mature and tall body.

Then the ears and tales came out. What the shit? Was that what Naruto liked? Trash Panda women? Why the hell didn't he make her a catgirl? Just wait, once she hit puberty she was going to smother Gaara under the weight of her own giant tits! Or better yet! She could just kill her and not let her anywhere near Naruto!

Yes. yes.

But first, she had to punish her pervert!

 **AN: As some of you might have guessed, and a fair few of you probably won't like, Gaara will not be a main character, she'll show up again later though. The story is focused on Narusasu after all... Well kind of . Its also focused on me staying up to late and drinking to write this story.**

Anywhore, beta'd by xxTerror33xx


	7. It's Not Like I wanted to MURDER you!

"Your girlfriend is following us."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Stop whispering, I said I was going and I meant it." Sasuke glared at Jiraiya, that really sharp kitchen knife at the ready once again. Her wardrobe had changed, from basically wearing what she wore as a guy to something downright girly. Her tight blue shirt made him very aware that she was a growing girl and that he was a pervert for looking at her.

The Pervy-Sage growled running a hand down his face. "Looks, it's not that long, we're just going to get Tsunade, I don't even know why I'm doing this, Hiruzen is still alive, and he seems more than willing to just be the Hokage for the next ten years or something. But that's beside the point. I don't teach girls, so you need to go back to Konoha."

"You don't have to teach me shit." Sasuke spat back at him, pointing that very sharp knife right at Jiraiya's nose. The knife was pointed at him in a moment. "I can't trust that idiot to tie his own shoelace without him messing something up! I'm not taking my eyes off of him."

"You just don't like the thought of spending a day away from your boyfriend! Look, I'm already a labeled as a pervert, and rightly so. I do not need to be seen traveling with a little girl, that's wearing a skimpy ass top, and become labeled as a pedophile, that's not my cup of Tea." Jiraiya began walking faster. "So leave your jealous ass back in Konoha."

Sasuke continued to match Jiraiya's pace, her face red but her voice was calm. Very calm. The kind of calm that meant that she was really fucking pissed. "Does Tsunade have a seal? Even a small one, anywhere at all?"

Jiraiya came to a dead stop and Sasuke circled him like a lion waiting for a wounded animal to die. "She does."

"And you know I used to be a boy right? Then I got a seal put on me, and somehow that idiot." Why did she keep pointing the knife at him? "Was able to touch that seal and remove me and turn me into a girl. A hot girl." He wanted to open his mouth to protest, but she wasn't really wrong. "Then in the middle of being murdered by a blood litter box, he manages to fuck with another seal and turns a twelve-year-old ginger kid into a slutty milf with tits the size of her head and a raccoon tail."

Sasuke stopped right in front of Jiraiya, hands on her hips as she glared up at Jiraiya. Her smile was so smug that children in nearby villages began to cry. "And these were both boys, now if Tsunade has a seal, what do you think would happen if Naruto were to work his magic on it? Didn't you say she was the most beautiful woman in the world?"

She was reaching critical levels of smug. Jiraiya looked mortified. She crossed her arms, "So by all means, if you want Tsunade to turn into a Dude. With. Big. Strong. Muscles. And a Dick so big that if it goes up your ass she'll be passing through your nose, by all means, let Naruto be near her for five seconds unsupervised."

"Oh god," Jiraiya muttered, his face whiter than Orochimaru's ass. He stood still mouth open as a shiver ran up and down his spine. His mouth closed with a snap and he grabbed Sasuke by the shoulder. "You're coming along, and make sure he doesn't leave your sight for even a moment!"

"I'm glad you see things my way." Sasuke turned to look at him, a soft pleasant smile on her face. "I'll make sure he's well supervised."

A chill went up his spine, it was a cold dark feeling that left him devoid of hope and splendor. He was fucked. So very very fucked. "Can we talk about this?"

"We did," Jiraiya grunted shouldering his bag once more and continuing on like he didn't just see the apocalypse before him. "Sasuke's your babysitter now, I'll still train you, but I'm also going to drink and whore myself out a lot more."

Sasuke stood to his side, really close to his side, smiling like she was a dog that had just been given a bone and called a good boy. It was a smile sweet enough that he wouldn't be surprised if her teeth rotted out. "Don't worry Naaaaaruuuutooo, it'll be just like when we're staying at home, without that red-headed skank to get in our way."

That's what he was afraid of. Ever since Gaara had more or less adopted him Sasuke had been, rather aggressive. And he was still on the fence about everything.

XXXX

He wasn't sure if he was incredibly comfortable, or incredibly uncomfortable. Probably both. On one hand, Sasuke was giving him a back massage, and it felt amazing. Apparently, the Sharingan could see knots in his back and every movement she did made him feel just oh so wonderful. On the other hand, she was wearing an outfit.

It looked like a normal maid outfit, with the black, and white, and all that frilly stuff he'd seen them wear in some of his old uhh, special manga. But then she brought out the cat ears and had a cat tail. They looked so real, kind of, but as to why she didn't just use a jutsu or something was beyond him. And she kept using this weird lotion every so often, that was like just kind of warm and she made slurping sounds.

So yea, he had no idea how to feel about this right now. At least Pervy-sage wasn't anywhere near by to laugh at this scene, fortunately, his teacher was out at the bar flirting with women and basically doing that thing that all the adults in his life did; not be there.

"How's it feel?" Sasuke purred. Not purred in that sexy way, but purred as in actually purred like a cat. Okay, maybe it was a little sexy right now. He was thirteen, he wasn't supposed to be confused about his boner, it was just supposed to be, oh gust of wind and bam hard on. But no, this was Sasuke the former dude on his team that used be a bastard and was now the hottest girl in his class with the biggest boobs too, his dick had every right to be confused!

Naruto whined into the pillow his eye twitching as Sasuke kneaded at a lump he didn't know he had, it vanished and he couldn't help but moan. If he ignored the fact that it was Sasuke this was amazing. If he considered that it was still Sasuke, it was also amazing. "Great."

There was a knock at the door.

"Piss off! We're busy!" Sasuke snarled at the door, spilling more of that weird oil on his back. How was she even holding it with both hands on his back? On second thought he didn't want to know. "Honestly the nerve of some-"

There was another knock.

Sasuke growled, pushing off off his back hard. He turned to see her march towards the door like Sakura did when she was pissed off. "I swear if it's you Jiraiya and you got so drunk you-" She opened the door and stopped. On the other side were two men wearing a black cloak with red clouds, one looked like an older version of Sasuke and the other one looked like a blue crocodile. "You!"

"I didn't know you had a sister Itachi." The Crocodile said blinking, "But hey look there's the Jinchuruki, let's finish off your clan and get out of here."

What's a Jinchuruki? That felt like a word he should know. Wait was he a Jinchuruki? Maybe? The only thing else in the room was the mattress and the blue dude was looking right at him.

"I don't have a sister," Itachi replied his cloak moved and he leaned down to look at Sasuke. "But she does look a lot like my mother. What's your name?"

"It's Sasuke you fuck!" Sasuke spat slashing at Itachi with the knife, red blood splattered across the wall, and a scratch appeared on Itachi's cheek. That was a lot of blood for such a small little cut. Like a comically large amount of blood that was unrealistic. "I'm Sasuke! I'm your brother!"

Itachi leaned back, blinking. "But you have breasts."

Sasuke slashed again, Itachi dodging this time. "That's because that asshole turned me into a girl! Now hold still so I can fucking murder you!"

Try as she might, Itachi was just to fast and continued to dodge like it was no big deal. "You're my brother? You're Sasuke!" Itachi began to laugh, clutching at his sides. It wasn't the normal haha this is funny, it was like every kind of laughter was trying to come out all at once in one emotional explosion. Pity, sad, actually hilarious, angry, nervous, all of it came out in one howl. "Oh my god! This is amazing!"

"Bro," The blue man said. "It's not that funny, you need to chill."

"But my brother turned into a girl!" Itachi was on the ground now, actually rolling on the ground like it was nothing. Sasuke was straddling him now, wielding the knife with both hands as she tried to drive it home. Even when it looked like it would hit, it missed. "I can't stop laughing! It's so good!"

"Shut up you bastard! You don't get to be happy! So just die!" Sasuke shouted a second knife appeared in her hands and she began to attack Itachi like she was playing whack-a-mole, only succeeding in doing a lot of damage to the floor beneath him. "Die, die, die, die, die! Hold still so I can murder the shit out of you!"

"How does did this even happen?" Itachi howled wiping a tear from his eye. "Like holy shit, no really I need to hear this."

"Uhh, Orochimaru stuck a seal on him, I kind of messed with it, and he turned into a girl," Naruto replied reaching for his shirt, mostly because the crocodile kept looking at him. Perv.

"Oh my god, and you fucked with Orochimaru?" Itachi let out a wheeze, slamming his palms against the floor. "So funny, can't breathe." He began to laugh and cough. And then blood came out of his mouth. And he fell back, letting Sasuke stab the shit out of him. "Oh, it was so funny I died."

The crocodile just looked at the scene before him, holding his hands out and blinking. "The fuck just happened?"

Sasuke stood, looking rather proud of herself, and then smiled at him, knives dripping with blood. "Oh Naruto, I don't recall saying you could put that shirt on yet." She closed the door behind her.

"No really!" The crocodile said. "The fuck?"

 **AN: Beta'd by xxTerror33xx**

 **Have I scared you away from this fic yet? Anyways, this chapter was pretty much filler, I'll be doing one more chapter that's probably on par with chapter one and five. Then a time skip. Because I'm starting to creep myself out writing about a thirteen year olds dick.**


	8. Thank You for Turning Me Into a Girl

Absolutely nothing of note happened.

As in literally nothing. They went to find Tsunade, they found her, she was a bitch, she got along with Sasuke did some medical stuff to make sure all the bits were healthy bits, and laughed at the idea of being a giant buff dude with a dick the size of her arm, much to Jiraiya's dismay. But that didn't happen. Mostly because he wasn't allowed to touch her forehead.

He did get a cool necklace when he beat her in a bet. And now Tsunade was back in Konoha and doing hospital stuff. She even brought Sakura out of her coma and their teammate was now working under Tsunade under strict orders to never look at him or Sasuke ever again. Oh, Ino too.

Sasuke's response was a very cold and angry "Who cares?" followed by a "Good." Despite the fact that she accomplished her goal of murdering her brother she was only slightly happier.

It's been a very boring month since then, on the plus side he'd gotten a lot of training in with Jiraiya! Now he just needed to tell Sasuke that Jiraiya wanted to take him on a three-year training trip. Alone. Without her.

That was bound to go well. Especially because she refused to let him sleep without her nearby. It was so weird, sure he could understand her being paranoid about him messing with a seal, but he did that when awake, not asleep. If he did it when asleep then she'd probably be a cat girl or something.

And he'd probably be a fox girl redhead with tits the size of his head. He blamed manga, especially the ones that Jiraiya bought him. Sasuke liked them too so he wasn't even in trouble for it!

"Oh! Welcome home!" Sasuke greeted him as she always did, dressed in a frilly white apron that was once pure, but now was stained with cherry juice, or at least what she claimed was cherry juice. Her hair had gotten much longer now, and she often wore it as a ponytail that nearly reached her butt and exposed the soft curve of her neck. She also really liked to wear skirts now.

Even when they were doing a mission, said they were combat skirts.

She bowed holding a tray and her kitchen knife that he was fairly certain he got rid of and gestured towards the couch, where a vaguely familiar Neji sat, sipping on tea and looking mildly displeased with it. "This bastard showed up demanding to see you and kept saying I was being improper by not offering him tea. He also has a mission for you, which is why he's not dead."

"This tea is horrible by the way." Neji sat his cup of tea down, somehow making a lot of noise for how delicate the motion looked.

"You're lucky you have money," Sasuke growled snagging the cup from him and marching towards the kitchen. "Figure out what the fuck he wants then kick him out of my house! I keep feeling like he's peeking at me with his Byakugan."

Neji's nose crinkled and a shiver gave a visible shutter. Apparently, Sasuke wasn't his type. Which was weird considering how she was by far the best looking girl out of his age group.

"So, what'cha need?" He asked stepping over the couch to sit down opposite Neji, his butt hitting the seat cushion before his feet hit the floor. Neji blushed, but his face remained stoic. Holy shit. Was Neji gay? Did he have a crush on him? This was bad. This was really bad. He didn't know what to do when someone had a crush on him!

How did he reject someone? Cause he was straight! Very straight, most of his mental capacity was spent thinking about boobs! (AN: Same BN: Also Same). This could not be happening to him! Haku was one thing because he kind of looked like a girl and Neji. Okay, Neji also looked like a girl but he was also a bastard and he had a firm no dating asshole police that really should just be a global law.

Wait, why was Neji taking off his headband? Crap he did have a crush on him! Oh wait, he was just showing him something, a seal? Oh. "I will cut straight to the point, I want you to remove the seal on my forehead."

"The hell he is!" Sasuke shouted from the kitchen amidst the shattering of dishes. "Fuck!" More shattering. That sounded expensive. She appeared in the door, knife in her hand glaring at Neji. "You keep that thing away from him unless you want to be a girl! Or hell knowing this pervert you could end up as a pair of sentient tits!"

"I like butts too," he whined, and Sasuke glared at him.

"If that is the price I must pay for freedom so be it," Neji placed his headband on the table as well as both hands. "This seal is known as the caged bird seal, it binds me to the main branch and seals my fate." He bowed deeply so that his head rested on the table. "So please I beg of you! Set me free!"

Naruto tried to say something. He really did want to help him, even if he was a bastard. He looked towards Sasuke who stood in the door silent before she nodded. Well, he had permission so that was good. "Okay, I'll do it, and umm I'm sorry if I accidentally turn you into a girl, it just kind of happens and I have no control over it."

Neji sat back and smiled. "So be it. Is there anything you require?"

"Uhh, no, just give me a second and umm close your eyes." Naruto flexed his fingers and stared at the seal, trying to find that state of mind that let him - oh wait, there it was. A bit of loose green near the edges like a wool sweater. Maybe this would be easy.

He reached out for the seal, it stung like a bee sting and made his fingers numb, was this what it was like for Neji all the time? That certainly explained why he always seemed so angry. But why who would put this on someone? It seemed like a dick move. It was just a seal made to hurt people. The worst kind of seal.

He pulled more and more watching the seal slowly vanish fade from Neji's forehead as it pooled around his fingers. The sting grew worse with each rotation, his hand was completely numb and he had to watch carefully with half the seal done with. This was easy, Neji wasn't even turning into a girl! Bastard still looked like the same beautiful pretty boy he always did.

He pulled, his arm completely numb and the string snapped free from Neji's forehead where there was no seal. Neji let out a soft moan followed by a gasp as his hand flew to his forehead. What the hell was he supposed to do with all this green shit though?

"Is it done?" Neji asked his lips twitching up into a smile as another hand fell to his chest. "I don't feel it anymore."

That's cause it was on his arm. Naruto flailed his arm trying to get it off but the stuff was sticky, stickier than Sasuke's nasty gunk was. It flew from his arm and stuck to the ceiling like a giant wad of gum. He'll clean that later if Sasuke bugged him about it. "Uhh, I think so and hey! You're still a guy so everything worked out!"

"Actually," Neji smiled and blushed. "I'm not."

Fuck? Really? He wasn't even turned on or thinking about boobs! Which was rare! "Really are you sure? Cause you look the same."

Neji nodded and smiled. "Oh trust me, I'm well aware that I'm no longer a boy."

Now that he looked at her, she was prettier and her jacket did hide a lot. "Oh, umm sorry I didn't really try."

"Don't be sorry," Neji gave a soft chuckle and held out his hand. "I was actually hoping for this result."

"Wait you were?" That was probably a first. "Why?"

"Tenten prefers girls."

"Ohhhhh!"

"Good, that means you don't have a crush on Naruto then," Sasuke growled knife still in her hands, the stabby part pointed towards Neji. "Now pay us and get out of my house!"

"Of course, forgive me for intruding." Neji stood and bowed, "Now I must be off to speak with Tenten and find a place to stay that won't send me back to my clan." With that, she left placing a large bundle on the table.

And Sasuke hit him hard on the top of his head. "Perv!"

"What was that for! You told me to do it!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head glaring at Sasuke.

"You know what it's for!" He really didn't.

"Oh, by the way, Jiraiya wants to take me on a three-year training trip." He looked up at her smiling, that green blob was still there. Hopefully, it didn't fall on Sasuke. Wait, how did she not see that? "Without you."

Sasuke snorted and spun on her heel. She didn't say anything. Yep, that went well.

XXXX

OMAKE

"Naruto," he asked looking down at his most recent student. The boy was an idiot genius in the extreme, on the one hand, the boy probably couldn't do algebra or even multiple despite having a jutsu that literally multiplied himself. On the other hand, Naruto could do stuff that normal people wouldn't even think about doing on accident. Or on purpose. "What did you do?"

His student and technical godson looked up at him from the dirt where he was drawing circles and blushed to give him a big grin that tried to show off all his teeth. "I uhh sealed the town?"

Jiraiya took a deep breath and looked at the crater where the town used to be. If this boy had been alive during any of the ninja wars he'd either be dead in a day or a valuable asset for the village. Heck, every war would be over in a day with the ability to seal a village. But this was not a day to be thinking about this. "I see, that, but I wasn't asking that. I want to know how you did it."

Why fight someone when you can just seal them away forever. And hopefully, figure out how to unseal that village because he liked the whores there.

 **AN: Next chapter has a time skip! So I'm not writing hella lewd stuff with thirteen year olds! Huzzah! It might also have Tayuya!**

 **I'll try to have it up before next monday, but I will be taking the 13th-18th off from writing (Or atleast planning to) to play the new wow expansion! Anyways! See you guys next time!**


	9. It's Not Like I Want a Cat Girl

Embers lifted up into the night sky.

After the training trip and then all that craziness that happened with the whole ninja war and then sealing Kaguya away forever, time flew by. Somehow they managed to beat all the bad guys while keeping everything exactly the same, just with extra peace! Oh, and Kakashi was the Hokage now.

And Itachi was still dead!

The only bad part about it was that Sasuke was ridiculously hot, and only grew hotter over the years. She stood next to him a few inches shorter than him, her ponytail now fell to just above her ass and when she let it out it was like a curtain of black silk. She had full lips that were often twisted into some mocking smile that brought out the charm of her eyes. She had been a busty thirteen year old, but now as an eighteen year old woman.

Her boobs were to die for. They sat high on her chest like two perky mountains that were made of marshmallow and happiness. Their only flaw, if it could be called a flaw was that they were perhaps too perky, with her bounce per ounce ratio being way off, but really that was almost a boon with how large they were. Out of everyone in his age group only Hinata could match her, but Sasuke was also thinner than Hinata. She was built for speed and fun.

Shame he hadn't gathered the courage to try anything with her over the past few years. Then again she was still a bastard, even if she was a girly one that really liked to press those soft boobs of hers against him and all but insisted that they slept in the same bed. Really it was amazing that he hadn't at least tried something, but plotholes really aren't important in a story like this.

"This is what, the fourth one?" Sasuke, a happy little frown on her face as he watched the glowing flames in her eyes. Her face was so clean and unmarred, angular, thin, and pale, with just the right amount of lipstick to make her lips really pop. And he really should be paying attention to the fire.

"It's the fifth," Naruto looked towards his newest apartment, well it wasn't an apartment it was more like a small house on the outskirts of Konoha that he was renting because no one else would rent to him given what happened to his last couple of places. And now it was on fire, just like the other four, this one had at least made a week, so he had that going for him. "I think I'm going to live in a pool next time."

"At least this time you have clothes to wear," Sasuke slapped him in the middle of his chest as she turned around, pushing back her ponytail to reveal that tender nape of her neck that was all but begging to be kissed. "But really I think for the safety of Konoha you should just live with me. And never move out."

It was hard to argue with that logic. "I just don't understand why this keeps happening to me."

"I don't understand why I haven't tied you to the bed and fucked your brains out yet."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, umm, okay, but thanks for letting me back into your place anyways. Now I need to buy new clothes. Again." Naruto sighed, following her on the way back to her home. He really didn't know why he tried to move out so many times, Sasuke was a great roommate and an awesome cook and she had a really great butt. Damn hormones, that was why he left, he was tired of constantly having an erection that he had to hide. "But are you sure I can just live there again? I promise I'll try to get a new-"

She spun on him, driving her finger right into his chest and knocking the wind out of him to make him stop. She wore a visage of fury, the flames of his most recent home reflected in her eyes as the Konoha bucket brigade began to appear. "No, I'm serious Naruto, you're not allowed to live anywhere else but with me, it's the only way to make sure you don't burn the whole village down!"

"In exchange," She smiled grabbing onto his arm and dragging him along with him. "All you have to do is give me a back massage, a good one, with candles, and oils, and all that other crap, at least once a week."

As to where she got the idea that he'd be good at giving back massages he had no idea, but it beat paying rent. And he got to touch a topless Sasuke, even if her melons were squished against the bed. "Umm, sure?"

"Good, you can start tonight," She pressed a hand against her back and sticking her chest out. "These tits you gave me are pretty heavy."

"I think you just like to complain about them."

"Almost as much as you love staring at them?" Sasuke smiled pressing his arm into her boob ever so slightly. Soft. His brain turned off for a moment and he saw her smile in victory. "That's what I thought."

Seriously using those things against him had to be cheating or something! It was an unfair advantage.

"But, first, as much as I love the smell of smoke, you need to take a bath, I think there's still something of yours you can wear at my place. Like that robe Jiraiya got you last year." He could taste Sasuke's smugness. That robe was a pink atrocity, with the words 'bitch boy' written in orange fabric across the back.

XXXX

Sasuke's bath was nice. It wasn't like the hot springs nice, but it was a lot better than any of the other places he's lived at. There were several stools complete with shower heads to clean himself off before he took a quick soak in the perpetually warm tub, that had a soft steam rising from it. Just looking at it made him feel relaxed.

"Man, Sasuke was right, I was dirty." He smiled to himself as he dumped a bucket of lukewarm water over his head.

"I'm always right." Sasuke's voice caressed him like a deadly spider.

He turned to see her, dressed only in a towel her hair somehow done up into a neat little bun held in place by some needles. The towel was tight around her body, acting like a mini dress that barely contained all the indecent bits and leaving nothing to the imagination. There had to be some kind of a jutsu that let her do that! Naturally having this eighteen year old busty, beautiful, and so sexy it should be illegal woman in the same bath with him caused Naruto to do one thing.

Scream like a little girl.

"Sasuke!" He scrambled up, pressing against the wall as he stared at her, or tried to not to stare at her. He really wasn't sure what he should be doing. Crap he was getting hard! His hands flew to the small towel wrapped around his waist and tried to maintain some form of decency. "What are you doing in here."

"Sit down you dofus, I'm here to wash your back, I want to make sure you're very clean for tonight that's all." She smiled at him, with all the honesty and pure heartedness in the world. Which meant she was full of shit. Whenever she looked at him like that things went to absolute shit!

He swallowed finding that one of the safest places to stare was at her cleavage. For once she didn't seem to mind him staring at her for so long, if anything she was just that much happier. "I can wash my-"

"This is not negotiable Naruto," There was that overly sweet smile now, the one that gave him cavities and promised him death. Lots of death. Also pain. She tapped the stool, "Now sit."

"Yes, ma'am." Sitting down away from Sasuke was probably the safest course of action that he could have taken. Little Naruto was harder than a rock. Again, why hadn't he tried to do anything to this smoking hot woman that was willing to wash his back in the past five years? Sure he was busy for part of it, but he lived with her for most of that time! They slept in the same bed! She cuddled with him.

He heard something drop from behind him, and then instead of a cloth he felt something soft, and very warm pressing up against him. Boobs. They were Sasuke's bare naked breasts. He was used to feeling them pressed against his back with a shirt or some kind of other fabric between him and those delicious melons tipped with pretty pink nipples. Her arms snaked out from around him as she pressed herself tighter against him, her hands gliding along his towel circling the mountain that was rising from the fabric like two sharks hungry for their next meal.

"I'm tired of waiting Naruto," her voice dripped into his ear like honey, sending a shiver down his spine all the way to his dick where it twitched twice in response. The heat of her breath was intoxicating drowning him in a thousand promises.

A light bulb went off in his dick and reality came slamming in all at once. Sasuke had wanted him badly for years now. And he was a dense mother fucker! The jealousy, the clinginess, the way she looked at him. It all made sense. And that rule about not dating a bastard just went out the window.

She slid up and down his body, he could feel her hard nipples rubbing against his back. "Tonight," she half moaned.

"Tonight?" His voice squeaked, he wasn't sure if it was because she just grabbed his dick through the cloth, or of some other reason. He was going to go with the dick thing.

"Tonight." She massaged his length through the towel, the rough fabric being all that separated him from her wonderful and soft touch. "I'm going to fuck the shit out of you. I'm going to ride you so hard, so fast, that you're going to be limp for a week, even if Sakura were to heal you. I'm going to push that famous Uzumaki stamina to the limit." She bit into his neck, the hard sharp pain was like an ice cube to the forehead in the middle of summer, shocking his system in the best way possible. She broke skin, not deep, but enough. "It's up to you if it's rape or not."

His throat felt tight and his dick felt like it was about ready to explode. He tried to speak, to say something or even move, but all he could do was feel her. She was amazing. All he could do was barely manage to nod yes.

"Good boy," she purred into his ear. "Now hurry up and get nice and clean, I'll be waiting."

She left like a ghost, leaving the only proof that any of that was real as the blood dripping from his neck.

Holy fuck! He was going to have what was looking to be absolutely mind blowing sex! This was awesome! So much for his relaxing bath. But Sex. It only took him five years to and Sasuke threatening to rape him that she really wanted to do naughty stuff with him. This was great!

Really fucked up if he thought to much about it. But also really really great!

XXXX

He got clean in record time. His entire body shined like the brightest star in the sky, even his hair was styled. Or at least he tried to style it but three steps later and all the hair goo had been flung out and it was back to its normal spikey and wild self.

With his head held high he marched towards Sasuke's bathroom, owning his pink robe like a boss.

He entered the living room, the only downside about Sasuke's home was that it was quite large and to go from the bath house to their bedroom he basically had to walk pass every room in the house.

And why was he on his back? And who was on top of him? A hand covered his mouth, it smelled dirty. Straining against the darkness he could make out a girl who was straddling his chest to keep him down. Her red hair was long and wild, and she looked like she had seen better days.

But outside of all that was the tangling mess of seal goo that was pouring out from her neck like a thousand legged spider made of lightning bolts trying to break free. It was almost like Sasuke's seal, or that Anko ladies seal that he dealt with off camera.

"You're," she twitched her other hand flying to the seal like she was swatting at a fly. "Naruto right? The one that can," She twitched again. "Take care of seals and shit? Fuck." Her voice was harsh and low like she hadn't spoken in a long time.

He stared at the seal as it continued to grow. It was gross as fuck. Almost gross enough to make him forget about something like Sasuke promising to fuck his brains out. Almost but not quite. Still she looked like she was in a lot of pain. He nodded.

"Good, I can feel him. Orochimaru. Everyone else is dead, or you removed it. That just leaves me. I'm too tough to die." She scratched at the seal like it was an old scab, her nails were chipped and worn. "But I can feel him, he's there. Gnawing at him. I want him gone. Please. I need you. I'll do anything. Please. Just remove him. Get him out."

It was easy to see how desperate she was. She needed this more than he needed sex with Sasuke, that was a line of thought he never thought he'd think. But she could wait a little bit longer. He pulled her hand away, her wrist was so small, how did she manage to push him down? "Okay, just take a deep breath. I should be able to remove it."

She smiled, tears coming from her eyes. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," She continued to mutter as she stood up from him. "I'm Tayuya," She twitched scratching at the seal the same way a dog would go after a tic. If she was flexible enough she'd probably be gnawing at the seal. "What do I do first?"

"First get off me." She stood sharply, revealing how small she was, barely standing above five foot, and wearing what looked to basically be a rag. Damn, years later and Orochimaru was still fucking things up. "Alright, now face the wall and brace yourself, it might hurt a bit so try not to scream. Also, I'm sorry in advance if your body changes."

"I don't care if you give me tits too big to walk, just remove the fucking thing." She swore, her breath sharp as she braced herself against the wall. "Just hurry okay, he wants to take control of me. He wants out."

That certainly sounded bad. With a sigh Naruto stood and examined Tayuya's seal. It was fucked up even without all the weird seal stuff. From the last few times he's dealt with it he learned one trick. And that was that there was no trick and that he needed to just do stuff.

He grabbed as many of the legs as he could, they squirmed and withered stabbing at his arm like scorpions made of lightning trying to pump him full of their electric poison. It hurt like a lot. Gritting his teeth he began to pull, it felt like he was pulling out a weed that had managed to grow through a tone of concrete.

"Fuck," Tayuya gasped. "I think its working. I can hear him screaming. Keep going. Make that fucker suffer."

He pulled again, a few of the legs snapped and more grew to replace them, so he grabbed with his other hand, and pulled at last he saw the center mass, a choking cloud of purple goo that pulsated like a heartbeat with no rhythm, each beat sending a jolt of pain down his entire body. With both hand still holding onto the tendrils he moved in sinking his hands into the nightmarish bubble gum of fuckery.

Yep, he was offically turned off. So much for having sex with Sasuke tonight. Her hot, probably naked body was still lying on her bed waiting for him to come over there and take her. Wait. No he was horny again. Hooray for hormones.

And he really shouldn't be thinking to much about this while messing with seal goo again. Or maybe he should, it helped him relax, and Tayuya didn't care what happened to her. Maybe he should make her a cat girl. Not that he knew how to, it just, kind of happened randomly.

He continued to knead at the giant mass of stinging chakra in his hand, like Sasuke's the purple began to lighten, but it was slower this time, probably because of just how much of the shit there was.

It was so nasty. Why was he touching this! Quick he should think about Sasuke's boobs. Those wonderful soft pillowy delightful things that he was going to bury his face in as soon as he finished being a good person.

All of the nasty was out of Tayuya now, save for a twisting knot connected the rest of her body. He knew what that was, it was her chakra, or at least part of it. The seal was so interwoven into her that it was part of her chakra now, he couldn't fully remove it without hurting her. But he could still change it.

He grabbed at the nasty and began to knead it swishing it around above his head as it changed from a dark tar like purple to a lighter purple. Boobs, nice round soft boobs. And butts, especially butts, Sasuke had a great ass, it was one of the best in Konoha, only Sakura could claim anything on it and that was just in firmness and shape to say nothing of size and bounciness. Sasuke's hips were a wonderful complement to it as well giving her the very definition of a hourglass figure.

It was turning hot pink now. And it no longer felt nasty. If anything it felt warm and fluffy, kind of like petting a kitten, but all over his body. It was still bound to Tayuya so he couldn't just throw it away. He better do what he did with Sasuke's and Gaara's gunk.

Jam it back in there and hope it worked. It was a slow process, mostly because of just how much gunk Tayuya had in her.

She moaned and he saw the effects on her body instantly. Her limbs filled out, the bones of her knee legs and wrists no longer showed, her skin began clearer, and her hair began to take on a full luscious shimmer as all signs of her malnourishment began to vanish. Now that he looked at her she really was rather cute. Especially that red hair.

"Thank you," She leaned against the wall placing her forehead against it. "I haven't felt like myself in years."

"I'm not done, just a little bit more." That was a lie. He still had a lot left. Still she nodded and smiled even with the tears flowing down her face, she must be really happy. Also what smelled like tuna?

With a deep breath he continued to pour more of the warm pink goo back into her, funneling it through that narrow gap where her seal was. He heard a gasp and a pop and looked down to see her hips pop out an inch, as her ass began to fill out drastically. The fact that all she had on was tattered shorts that clung to her like a second skin only made the growth more noticeable.

Inch by inch her butt began to fill out, becoming rounder, larger, and hotter with each passing second. Her spandex shorts burst open revealing a pale jiggling ass that was better than Sasuke's and Sakura's in every way to him. Wow, she had a fantastic ass. There was so much junk in that trunk.

"Fuck," Tayuya panted. "That felt gre-"

A ripping noise came from her top like a piece of paper being torn followed by another moan. "What was that?"

She smiled staring down at her chest. "That was the sound of me going from an A-cup to a C-cup." She moaned and more tearing could be heard. "Better make that a D-cup."

Yep he was horny now. Really really horny. Maybe Sasuke would be down for a three way with this fucked up drug addict that ambushed him in their home? Wait, she'd probably try to murder the shit out of the pour girl.

Still he had -

"Naruto!" he heard Sasuke's voice call from her bedroom. She sounded mad. "I swear if you-"

Crap! He still had so much seal goop left! And Sasuke was coming he needed to do something about it. Without thinking he shoved the what was left into Tayuya and hoped nothing bad happened.

"Mmmm, Nyaaaaa!" She moan, and then meowed? A tail sprung forth from the top of her beautiful ass that was red in color and capped with a bit of white. A moment later she let out another moan and began to purr as her ears began to travel up her head turning from human ears into cat ears. Neat. He made a bottom heavy cat girl that also had some nice boobs.

This was something that as a man he should be proud of.

But really what smelled like fish?

"Holy fuck," Tayuya's arm gave out and she face planted against the wall. "That was fucking awesome Lover Boy."

"Lover Boy?" Sasuke turned around the corner, her sharingan wasn't activated, but he still saw his tomb stone in those cold dark eyes. "What the fucking fuck!"

"Sasuke wait! I can explain!"

"Fuck you!" She screamed, that knife was in her hand. "I thought you were just an idiot. It's just one of the things that made me like you for some fucked up reason, but then I find out that you've been cheating on me with some." She gesuted towards Tayuya, her face making a weird shape. "Why the fuck did you make her a cat girl but not me! If that's what you wanted I'd be happy to be a cat girl!"

"Cat girl?" That got Tayuya's attention, "Meowly shit, I got a tail! And ears!"

"Hopefully that means you have nine-lives too bitch!" Sasuke dove at the girl kitchen knife leading.

They slammed into the wall in one of the hottest cat fights he'd ever seen. He was about so say something but his dick wouldn't let him. And then that goop from Neji's seal that he had forgotten for five years finally fell from the ceiling landing on both girls.

Tayuya got most of it, landing on and around her neck while Sasuke got a bit of it on her wrist. It wasn't rolling off them, instead it was seeping in. That was probably a bad thing. Or a good thing. It really wasn't an exact science.

"Get off me you fat tittied psychopath!" Tayuya lashed out with her now rather sharp claws scraping Sasuke's cheek. Cut marks appeared on her cheek, both of their cheeks.

Sasuke stopped, dropping her knife for once in her life, and turned to look at him, her glare was real. "Fucker!" She screamed marching over to the couch. "I just wanted to finally have sex with you, but no! You just had to be a good samaritan and help someone instead of fucking my brains out."

"Wait, why aren't you-" Tayuya was cut off when Sasuke grabbed her own nipple and began to twist it. Causing Tayuya to moan. "Meow! What the fuck?"

"I don't know," Sasuke continued to glare at him. "But I got a good gist of what happened when I touched you," She looked really unhappy. "I'm a little sorry for how I acted, Orochimaru is an ass and you were suffering, makes sense. Just shitty timing."

"Then what was with that nipple thing?" Tayuya asked standing as she rubbed her own nipple. Sasuke squirmed at the gesture. "And it's two way? What the hell happened?"

"For some reason we now share pain and other stuff it seems. So yay us," Sasuke held up her wrist showing off a green seal where the goo had been. "Yours is around your neck, looks like it's more intense for you, but I get a bit of it. And something tells me it's Naruto's fault."

"You remember when Neji came over for help?" Sasuke sighed and nodded. "Yea, I kind of tossed his seal gunk on the ceiling and kind of never cleaned it up, it fell on you two."

"Of course it did." Sasuke groaned massaging her head. "You need to fix this. Now."

"Umm suree, but can I just ask one quick favor?" Sasuke glared at him, while Tayuya paw'd at her tail and played with one of her boobs. She was a lot shorter than Sasuke was, but she had wider hips. And was a cat girl, and a redhead. That's like the best combination of things. "Can we have a three way?"

Tayuya perked up and nodded. "I'm down."

Sasuke's response was her knife being impaled inches from his head all the way to the handle. "Tch, I missed."

 **AN: So, super long chapter, because probably no updates next week with wow and stuff. And this chapter is actually brought to you from my Beta saying "Do Tayuya." and him loving the idea of cat girl Tayuya. so yea. Cat Girl Tayuya. Also Time skip for lewds.**

 **Since I won't be updating for a while I'll make you all a deal. Chapter three has 135 reviews on it, that's a lot and overinflated from me asking if I should turn Gaara into a girl If this chapter beats that chapter Sasuke will agree to a threeway with Tayuya.**


	10. Yes, I want to fucking fuck you

"No."

Sasuke's voice was cold, dark, and even. But there was no anger in her voice like she was speaking a simple truth about the universe. She folded her arms over her chest and continued to glare at both him and Tayuya.

Tayuya's ears flattened out on top of her head and her tail stopped swaying from side to side. "But why? I feel everything you do! So if you take a dick in the butt I'm going to feel that, what's the difference if I'm there physically? Besides he can make a clone and then we can get double' the dicken. Can you just imagine four dicks in you at the same time?"

Meanwhile in his pants, he was still rock hard. Even if he didn't exactly find the idea of making a clone and basically watching himself have sex with another girl all too appealing. But hey he was an eighteen year old virgin at this point so he'd probably do just about anything for sex. Especially sex with two girls at the same time. Both of which were hot as hell! And one was a cat girl!

A second knife was stuck into the wall the gust sending a shiver along his erection.

"I'm going to make this very very clear," Sasuke leaned forward, folding her hands in front of her face. Her cold charcoal eyes could burn a hole through bedrock like it was butter that had been left out in that weird butter dish during a hot day. He could barely see the soft smile on her face that promised at least seven types of pain, misery, and murder. "I've been trying to get this idiot to fucking notice me for five years now. I forced him to sleep in the same bed with me often enough that a damn brick would have gotten a clue. As to why I didn't just say something? I honestly have no idea, nor do I care. Regrets are stupid. As to why you're not dead right now." Sasuke dug her fingers into her hard enough to draw blood.

"Meow!" Tayuya moaned shaking her hand as a bit of blood appeared on her palm.

"Is because I'm not entirely certain if me killing you would also kill me. I'm really not in the mood to risk that." Sasuke licked the blood off her palm, her eyes focused on his with something that was far different from anger. "So here's what's going to happen. I'm going to fuck Naruto until one of us can't move. Alone. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to wake up and do it again. I don't care if you get off to this. There's a guest bedroom on the other side of the house that you are to use."

"Calm yo tits girl," Tayuya huffed returning Sasuke's glare with one of her own. Then she leaped over and grabbed onto his arm, pressing her breasts right up against him, while another hand worked its way south. "If we share feelings and you can't kill me what's stopping me from just-"

Tayuya was cut short by Sasuke slamming her against the wall. He half expected her to just kill the cat girl right there. Instead, Sasuke's eyes turned red her sharingan activated. Tayuya's eyes went dim and the girl slouched against the wall.

"You understand now?" Sasuke let go of the girl and watched her drop to the floor. She leaned down and grabbed the Tayuya's cat ears, running her fingers over them. Tayuya purred and mewled under the touch. What the hell was going on? "I don't want to have to repeat myself."

Tayuya nodded trying to nuzzle more into Sasuke's hands. "Yea sure, fine, I'll wait. I'll wait, just stop doing this I can't stop nya!"

"Good, now then, I'm going to go have sex with the idiot here, try not to make a terrible mess." Sasuke smiled and grabbed onto his arm pressing her breasts against his chest just like Tayuya had tried to do earlier. "We'll have to figure out someway to remove the seal without this idiot touching it and changing us again.

"Well, if we're going to do that again can I request being a seven foot tall amazon with head sized tits and a dick long enough to tit fuck myself?" Tayuya stood, dusting off her tattered rags emphasizing the fact that her breasts were currently unbound. Her ears perked back up and her tail flexed.

"It doesn't work like that, you'd probably already have tits like that if he had any say about this." Sasuke rolled her eyes and glared at him. Now was probably not the best time to mention that he might have intentionally made Tayuya a cat girl. But what she didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Well, whatever. I'm going to masterbate until my fingers become pickles." She walked past heading in the vague direction of the guest room. She'd probably find it. She found him after all.

"Have fun," Sasuke shooed her away.

Tayuya showing her maturity flipped her off as she continued to sway her hips so that her shirt would lift up showing off that magnificent ass off. Booty do good. Booty do real good. "It'd be more fun getting actually fucked. But hey, I can improvise."

"So is that a no to the threeway?" Naruto smiled finally daring to ask Sasuke anything. That was actually probably the dumbest thing he could have said. But if he didn't say it then well, he wouldn't be himself. Or something like that he was running out of excuses to be a dumbass.

"You are lucky I love you, and she's lucky I can't murder her. You're also lucky I kind of wanted a cat." Sasuke turned on him, pressing her finger into his chest and forcing him back, with the lightest pushing of her hand she guided him backwards steering him towards her room. "You've kept me waiting a long time Naruto. That's rude you know. And then the first thing that comes out of your mouth is to have a threeway? You're a real bastard you know."

Her smile grew with each word, that perfect mask she normal kept up around other people was cracking to show the cultivated madness that writhed underneath. It only served to remind him that he was an idiot for not seeing just how crazy Sasuke was about him. It was really hot. And also really scary. But so hot. Also scary. But mostly hot. Really really hot. "I'm sorry."

Sasuke laughed, and pressed him through the threshold of their room and onto the bed. Her clothing hit the floor and the door locked by the time he managed to look back up at her. The long ebony strands that made up her hair fell free in a black wave down her back ending in a point just at the widest part of her hips. Her ass was round, and perky, she slapped her cheeks just for him allowing it to bounce just the slightest amount.

"Oh, you have no idea how sorry you'll be." Sasuke's voice dripped with a dick melting amount of lust that made his blood howl through his veins like wolves on the hunt. She turned, revealing her naked body to him for the first time, and he saw perfection, her breasts sat high on her chest, creating a natural cleavage thanks to their size and perkiness, offering the slightest bit of bounce as she placed her knee onto the bed. Her stomach was smooth and hard with her well earned abs barely casting a shadow.

While other girls might be bustier or have more junk in the trunk none could make up the raw perfection that Sasuke showed just by breathing. Her every movement was like a models pose that displayed some new and exciting element about her body.

And he desired everything about her. Now more than ever. "Holy fuck I'm an idiot."

"Yes, yes, you are." Sasuke placed a hand on onto his leg and began to slide along it as she crawled along the bed like a fog bank creeping in over the hill covering everything with errotic aura. She kissed his leg, soft, gentle, lovingly, it was enough to make him shudder and moan at what was going to come.

"I didn't know you had this side to you," His brain knew that he shouldn't be speaking, that he might make things worse. But the pathway from his brain to his mouth was currently being ignored by the giant amount of blood and nerves going to his crotch and where ever Sasuke was touching.

A soft mocking chuckle came from Sasuke, her eyes blackened with the sin of lust and desire for him that showed how happy she was. Her cheek brushed the side of his dick that was nearing the point of being painfully erect. She smiled and licked it like it was a morsel that had gotten stuck on the side of her mouth. He almost nutted right then and there.

"And what side is that?" She asked, eyes focused on him while she worked his cock as skillfully as a she would a kunai. And Sasuke was damn good with a kunai.

He groaned, grabbing handfuls of the sheet as her tongue burned like ice along his dick. He was so not going to last very long if this kept up. And yet again, his mouth found a way to speak. It really needed to stop doing that without consulting his brain first. "Being all soft and lovey, dovey."

"Well isn't that obvious Naruto? I do love you, I've loved you for a long time, but-" She purred circling the tip of his dick with her tongue like she was trying to draw out his soul. Her smile turned dangerous. "I don't recall ever saything this was going to be soft or cuddly." That damn chuckle again. "No, I dare say that one of us might end up dead by the end of this."

With the snap of her fingers the sheets wrapped around his wrists and ankles and pulled him to the four corners of their bed and holding him tight.

"What the hell?"

"Shush, and just go along with this Naruto. The only time you're to be making any noise is when you're screaming my name, moaning in pleasure," She slid up his erection that felt like it was going to burst at any moment, it was red, pulsating and looked bigger than ever, and he had already been large. How the hell was Sasuke going to take him? Her breasts sandwhiched his cock for just a moment, allowing him a moment to enjoy that tender softness that jiggled and swayed with each motion. She laughed, looking less like a woman and more like a feral wolf in heat and he was both her meal and her mate. Her hands slid up and down her body before playing with herself for a few strokes.

His dick pulsed, the heat radiating from it was sending a searing pain up and down his limbs. He needed to stick it in something. He needed to stick it in Sasuke.

"Or moaning in pain." She laughed leaning down to his nipple that stood tall and proud on his chest muscle. She then bit it. Hard. Really hard.

"Ow! What the fuck!"

She laughed. "Fuck? Good idea," Her voice sung like a snake's venom dripping and corroding everything that heard it. Her eyes never left his as her hand wrapped around his growing member. Apparently pain, made him even harder. "But it's no fun if you don't come out of it a little battered now is it?"

She was crazy. She was bat shit absolutely boneafied he should call the cops crazy. And he was loving every single second of it. Her nails sharp, almost clawlike dug into his chest and she scraped a trail going all the way down to his abs. It was when he grit his teeth in pain did she finally put him inside of her.

"Oh, you're bigger than I thought. Much, much, bigger. This is good." She lowered herself down onto him, inch by painful inch, like a band-aid being slowly torn off, but around his dick and feeling like the best thing ever. He could feel everything inside of her, it was tight, almost to tight, and grew tighter still as she began to swallow up his whole length like a hungry fish. "I have to admit Naruto, I like big things, while I do love you, I just can't help but feel so happy that you have a giant." She lowered herself down again all the way down to his balls. "Fucking." She raised herself up, and up, and up, exposing more of his dick to the cold air. He yearned for it to be back within Sasuke's warm wetness once more. "Cock." She slammed herself down onto him.

"Fuck!" He cried trying to grab at her, but the restraints were too good. She had been prepared for this.

She bounced up and down, running her hands through her hair as she smiled down at him, looking like a queen sitting upon her through. This was Sasuke, this was who she really was, her raw naked form that was riding his dick and denying anything that she desired. Her moans was like a sirens call, luring what was left of his rational mind deep into the sea of her depravity.

Each motion mixed with the last, building into some ultimate form of pleasure even as her nails dug into his flesh burning channels of pain through his body that mixed with the pleasure to create something new and exciting. He had gotten hurt before, he had felt pain, but nothing could be compared to this.

He needed to touch her. To grab at those perfect breasts of hers that were bouncing like she was just going for a walk in the park instead of riding his dick like a mad woman. He wanted to grab her, flip her around and fuck her so hard that she passed out. To bite into her flesh and claim her as his and his alone! It was raw, primal, instinct. He needed it. He trashed against the bindings.

"What's wrong Na,ru,to," each syllable of his name dripped off her tongue like an acidic honey that was clouding his mind and making him desire her more and more. "A little tied up at the moment?"

That was almost so corny that he went soft. Actually it was nowhere near that, if anything he was harder again. Fuck. His dick must be nothing more than a glowing red pillar of blood that was as dense as he was. "You're going to slow."

"Oh poor baby," She leaned down and kissed him. If it could be called a kiss. It was cruel, fast, brutal, and in the end he tasted blood. She trailed along his cheek delivering kiss after kiss as she slowly grinded away at his junk. Which was not helping his growing desire for release. "If I let you go, how hard are you going to fuck me."

"You won't be able to think straight for a week." He blurted out without thinking, trying desperately to claw at her to grab onto any part of the woman before him. He needed her. He needed her beyond anything else. Her touch was as to air to him.

She laughed, and he heard a snap and the bonds stopped.

Before he knew what had happened, he had her on her back, legs wrapped around her waist as he pounded her harder than he ever thought possible. Finally. Finally they were getting somewhere. It felt like her pussy was still trying to suck him in, it was getting tighter around him, clenching his very life blood as though she demanded toll just to look at her naked. "I love you, you stupid psychotic bitch!"

"Good!" Sasuke shouted back, pulling him into a proper kiss, a soft, loving one that counter acted the violent thrusting of his hips. He kept going, he doubted he could ever stop, even after he reached the end he was fast approaching. He was getting there, he was so close. He needed to get there. "Now fuck me harder!"

Harder? How could he go any harder? When he didn't she bit into his neck, hard. Her nails dug into his back and he felt the sweat and blood mix into a potent concoction that burned at the fresh wounds Sasuke was making. "I said harder!"

"Fuck you!"

"Just do it harder!"

His body obeyed, and at long last Sasuke began to moan. Loudly. It was the sugar to all this pain he was feeling. The extra pork to his ramen of raw animalistic sex. His mind was gone, replaced by a pure need for sex and a desire to make this woman writhing beneath him moan his name.

He took long, hard, powerful strokes in and out of her, going from his tip, barely inside of her, to as deep as he could get. Over and over again. By this point his back was little more than shredded cheese. But that didn't matter. He had to keep going on. He had to get her to scream his name.

Even if his nuts were going to fall off.

"Oh fuck!" Sasuke screamed, her nails digging into his back once more. "Yes! I'm getting there! Yes keep going!" Harder. Faster. Harder. Faster. His hips were going crazy, and all of his will power was spent on trying not to be the first one to cum. He had to last longer than Sasuke. He had to.

He felt her clench around him. Her legs locking around his waist, keeping him pinned against her. She clawed, and bit, and kissed. "Oh fuck! Naruto!"

There it was. He grunted, finally letting his body relaxing as she spasmed around his length, accepting all of the sperm he had built up. Spent. He fell onto the bed next to her, taking a deep breath of the sweat and sex stew that now covered the room. It felt really good.

"Holy fuck Naruto," Sasuke panted. She sounded happy, and tired. That was good. It meant he won. "That was amazing."

"Yea."

"I think I might get pregnant from that."

"Yea."

"Want to make sure and go for round two?"

His mind was telling him no. But his body, his body was telling him yes. And his dick was all but screaming it.

"This time, pick me up and fuck me against the wall."

 **AN: So uhh, about that threeway, ya'll got 113 reviews, out of the 136 minimum. But hey! You get this lemon now! Next chapter will be more or less Tayuya centric, and there's a hint about something up coming, wonder if you guys can find it.**

Anyways, I'm actually happy that I didn't have to do the threeway, mostly because I think this turned out really well. I'm also not sure how much more I have left for this fic. Maybe 4 more chapters? Mostly because I want to start a new fic and this is the closest one that I have to being "Done"


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